Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Wed Jan 31

Kourtney's check up & Andrew's foot

Today was Kourtney's 1 week check up for the medicine she's begun to take (Concerta for ADHD).  She was on a very teeny dose to get her started & make sure she had no weird reactions to it.  Since she did ok on that, we're bumping her up to the next dose (which is where she'll stay if it works for her).  She'll start taking that tomorrow.  The first few days on the med, she did have a tummy ache...which developed into a nice excuse to get to leave the classroom every day, but I believe the tummy ache actually was over & done with on the 2nd day.

This evening, when we got home, Andrew got mad because the girls were singing in their bedroom.  (He was in his room & they were in theirs, all putting up laundry.)  Initially, he did the right thing & came to me to tell me their singing was bugging him.  They really weren't being loud or anything, but I told him he could shut (not slam) his bedroom door.  Later, Samuel went into the bedroom to work on his laundry & opened the door.  Uh oh---now he could hear them singing again.  I would've let them shut the door, but these 2 in a room with a closed door is not a good idea!  They'd have been swinging by the ceiling fan blades in 5 minutes' time.  Andrew stood in his doorway, screaming at the top of his lungs at the girls.  When the name calling & item throwing began, I intervened & talked to Andrew about how he *had to* calm down.  Getting that angry & furious is just not sensible for something so minor.  He told me he couldn't calm himself down & proceeded to kick the laundry basket, clench his jaw & fists, pace the floor with steam blowing out his ears, grasping at the fabric of his shirt & twisting/pulling it from his body as if he'd rip it off (picture the Hulk) & basically threw himself into a rage.  I told him again that he would have to calm down and relax before he hurt himself or someone else.  I pointed out that he could go over & sit beside the bed & pound his fists on the mattress if he needed to get out some anger, but I specifically said he could not kick anything else or call the other kids names.  He turned & went toward the bed, stopped just shy of it, pulled his foot back as far as he could & kicked the bed with all the force he could put into it. Immediately he fell to the floor holding his foot, crying in pain.  Well, silly.......if you put a hundred pounds of pressure into kicking a hard wooden bed, it's gonna hurt!!  My initial reaction was going to be anger that he was being defiant & continuing to take out his anger in a negative way.....but I think he punished himself enough by hurting his own foot.

After the screaming stopped (he becomes a major drama king when the tiniest pain is involved), it was time to eat supper & go to church.  He hopped around on one foot, even crawled through the house & tried to drag himself (like an Army crawl) at one point.  Talk about drama!  There are no bruises, it's not swollen, not red, I don't palpate a lump or anything, etc.  I'm sure it does hurt, but he's really milking it.

On the way to church, Sarah was humming (quietly) in the backseat.  He started screaming at her to stop, began opening & shutting (slamming) his Royal Rangers binder back & forth in anger and generally was throwing a wall-eyed fit.  I offered to pull over on the side of the road & let him get out to calm down (in the cold night air), but he didn't like that plan too much.  He announced that he was NOT going to church, would NOT be going inside the building when we got there, etc.  When we arrived, the first person he saw was his teacher---who asked why he was limping & he had to admit that he'd lost his temper & kicked a bed.

Miraculously, he walked just fine when I picked him up from church, but by the time we got home, he felt like he had to drag himself across the yard (yes, laying down on ground, dragging himself) because he was in 'so much pain'.

To make him happy, Savannah & I decided to offer to wrap his foot before he went to bed.  She got our her Missionettes first aid kit & wrapped his foot in a big long piece of gauze.  (Way to go, big sister!!!)  He loves that & feels very good about the healing of his foot now.  LOL!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Samuel funny

Samuel is home today because he's feeling bad.  On the way back home from dropping the other kids off @ school, he saw 2 dogs in a yard & commented on them.  After a few minutes of quiet, he said "ya know mom...there aren't many pimples left."
 
I sat there, trying to figure out what he was trying to say for a while, but finally had to ask what on earth he was talking about.  He repeated it -- "There aren't many pimples left."
 
Huh?
 
"You know, PIMPLES.....those mean kind of dogs."
 
Then it hit me----PIT BULLS.  ha ha!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Sun Jan 28

This week at work (Christian day care center), my boss read this verse to us.  It struck a chord, and while I couldn't put my finger on exactly why it hit me so deeply, I wrote down the reference for it & planned to study on it later.

I can't help but continually come back to it, think on it again & remember that God put me right here, right now, in this place, with all the people around me........for a reason.  Nothing in my life is a surprise to Him.  Thank you Jesus!  (& thank you Glenna, for sharing this)

 

Exodus 9:15-16

15 For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with a plague that would have wiped you off the earth. 16 But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Sweet update

Yesterday was Savannah's check up w/ Dr. S (her psychiatrist).  He checks on her every few months for her anxiety.  He saw her in March (right after A&K moved in) and up'd her medicine a little bit to help her deal w/ the changes going on at home.  He saw her in September & decided that she was doing pretty well, so he dropped her dose back down.  This was her first time back since then.  Since we're approaching the 1 year mark, he asked her for an update on what home is like now.  Her reply was fun to listen to.  She said:

"Well....Kourtney's sweet.  She's starting to act normal (ha ha...not sure what that means!) & she feels like a sister.  We have fun playing together.  Andrew & I still fight like cats & dogs sometimes, but that's how brothers & sisters are, ya know?  He's starting to feel like a brother, so I guess we'll fight, huh?"

The doc & I had a good time giggling at her responses.  The doc is very even-tempered and calm & cool all the time, so making him laugh is a pretty big deal.  I can't remember what else she said that was funny, but she had him cracking up & really enjoying her answers.

We're so pleased to see her finally getting to a point where things are levelling out for her--- no major highs & lows anxiety-wise.  It's great!  He was very proud of her progress and said we'd try to lower her med dosage again this summer & see how it goes.  The last time we tried was Sept 05 & it did not work at alllllllll.  We'll see if it does next time!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Sad Sarah :(

 As you know, Sarah is my most gentle-spirited, tenderhearted one of the bunch.  She gets really shy & scared when new things are on the horizon.
 
Last year in Mother's Day Out, her teacher had to quit at the end of October--just a couple of months into the school year.  Since I taught the class right next door, I was the sub for her class about 1/2 of the year so that made it a little easier, but the constant transition/turmoil of not knowing who'd be the teacher each time she went made it hard.  We made it through the year & she was excited when she learned that Mrs. Page would be her Kindergarten teacher.  (She was also Savannah & Samuel's.)
 
Yesterday, that calm & stability all changed.  Mrs. Page sent home a note w/ all the students explaining that she's taken a new job & 2 weeks from Friday, she will be leaving.  Sarah's heartbroken.  We all love you, Mrs. Page!!
 
I know that the school will make this as easy as possible for the kids, so please pray with me that they are able to find someone who closely matches Mrs. Page's teaching style so that the kids will have an easier time transitioning.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

"Held"

I am such a sap.  Right after Lisa and then Kelly died last February I bought a CD for one particular song.  (Isn't that how it always goes?  Who buys a CD b/c they love every song on it?)  Anyway, this one song was on the radio one night when I went to the store & due to hearing it that one time, I knew I had to have the CD.  I've grown to love Natalie Grant & all the other songs on this CD, but this one still gets me every time I listen to it.

I bought it the night that Lisa died.  (For those who don't know, Lisa was one of my best friends & she died suddenly of complications from 2 rounds of Leukemia...on the day before Kelly died.)  I was so torn apart emotionally that this was my 'anthem'...the song that kept me connected to God for a little while.  I never walked away from Him, but this song kept reminding me that I was being "held" despite my not understand Lisa's death.

The next day, Kelly died.  Andrew & Kourtney lost their mother (and, in effect, their father..all in one day).  Kelly & I were not best friends, but we were family.  She was my sister in law and we loved each other.

I may never really understand why God chose to take Lisa & Kelly to Heaven so early in their lives.  I may never really grasp why 5 children had to lose their mothers in that 24 hours period.  I may never understand God's reasons for a lot of things....but I know that for the past year, I've been HELD.

I recently finished reading "90 Minutes in Heaven" and I couldn't help but smile & laugh as I read the author's description of his visit in Heaven.  I wasn't laughing at the story, but laughing in joy because I know that my two friends are in Heaven...and they experienced the things he saw.  I can't help but be anxious for the day when I walk through the gates of Heaven & run into the arms of My Jesus.  Until then, He's holding me....and He's holding Lisa & Kelly.

At "Women of Faith" this year, Natalie Grant was the featured singer.  When she sang this song, I sat in the crowd, crying my eyes out.  Probably no one around me understood why, but I don't care.  Later the same day, Nicole Johnson did her "Stepping into the Ring" skit and I bawled again.  Talk about a day of healing & cleansing!

Here are the lyrics to the song that has held me together frequently this year:

Held by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley ---
and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

 

Two "sacred"s were torn from my life, but I've survived.  God is holding me.  Thank you, Jesus.

 

Wed Jan 24

 
Isn't it exciting to realize the depth & power of God's love?  To ponder the fact that He knew me, He knew my heart & my mind, He knew what I'd look like, how my personality would be and all the details of my life.....all before the creation of the world!  He's counted the hairs on my head, He knows the number of the grains of sand in all the world, He placed the stars in the sky & knows each one by name.  He set the earth on its axis & placed in in orbit.  He causes the sun to rise & the moon to shine at night....and somehow I still question things & worry.  My finite little brain can't even grasp that.  And try to grasp eternity?  Wow...that's entirely beyond the reach of my imagination!  God is so good!  He knows me by name, He calls me, He reaches down from Heaven & holds me up with His hands.
 
And somehow I still screw up, I still fall, I still disappoint Him.  My heart is vile & wicked.  But, somehow, my filthy, sinful self is something HE desires to have a relationship with!  This grace amazes me!
 
Please allow me to share a few scriptures that have hit home for me recently!  (Thank you, Melinda, for sharing these with me a few months ago when I was upset about something!  I've still got that email saved.)
 

Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

See, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too hard for me? (Jeremiah 32:27)

Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10a)