I've got a headache. It hit me at about 11:30 this morning when my class came in from the outdoors. Today was day 2 of "Chuckwagon Days" at my school. We have a local farm bring over a bunch of animals. The kids get to go out & pet them, ride the horses, feed goats, paint a horse (yes, they really do PAINT it) ....that sort of thing. It's great fun! Later, we go back outside & have a hot dog picnic before we play a lot of western-themed games. This morning, the wind was blowing like crazy. It made for a great day to be outside (temperature-wise) but I think between the animals, the hay, squinting a lot from the sun being in my eyes & the blowing pollen, my allergies & sinuses got fouled up & boom...headache. When we came inside after seeing the animals, I took a Tylenol. It was just a dull ache at that point. I really hoped to kill it before it became a full-fledged headache. I really didn't have much choice but to buck up & move on, so I did. But by the time I left work, my head was really achy. I stopped & got a Dr. Pepper on the way home & took another Tylenol. It didn't help much.
Ugh.
After picking up the kids from school, I layed down on the couch & rested for a while. The headache eased a little, but came back slowly when I got up & started moving around again. Especially once we went to the funeral home for a visitation of a friend who very unexpectedly died on Tuesday night. We didn't find out until today. What a great loss...such a beautiful man with a precious family. My heart, and my head, ached for his sweet widow.
When we got home, I took MORE Tylenol and did a sinus wash. Some of the pressure is gone, but the headache's still here. Sigh.
We've got a camping trip scheduled for this weekend. Have I told you how much I love camping? (Can you hear the dripping sarcasm?) I really don't MIND camping if we're talking about staying inside a shelter. With a roof. And a bathroom nearby. And an electrical outlet to plug in a fan. And maybe a single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. You know...not really "roughing it". I enjoy the time w/ my family, but the whole outdoorsy experience is not really my 'thing'. I'm more of a hotel girl. I will gladly make the sacrifice for my kiddos and the Cub Scouts, but I'm not exactly looking forward to it.
Storms are forecast for tomorrow. And this weekend. That means we'll have to stay inside tomorrow at school if it's wet. And then I'll get to go camping in the rain. Yipee.
AND, I have a visitor scheduled to arrive any day now. You know....the visitor who stops by once a month.
Ugh.
Did I mention I have a headache?
I think I'm going to grab a book & go find a bubble bath. I'm going to soak til my toes are pruney.
Savannah first! Savannah has been an amazing reader since she was 5. She stunned her Kindergarten teacher by finishing entire Junie B. Jones chapter books to the tune of 1-2 per day. She took AT LEAST one trip to the school library daily. As soon as she learned how to really write, she began doing that really well, too. A few years ago, she got a journal & never kept up with it, so last spring I challenged her. I gave her a new journal & told her that if she could keep it going for 1 month, I'd buy her a milkshake. She did it (and got her milkshake) and she's never looked back. She began writing stories several years ago, but she's gotten really good at writing since then. So good, in fact, that she began publishing stories online last year. So good, that she's begun writing to publishing companies & seeking out someone to publish her first manuscript. She has gotten a few responses, but so far no one is willing to take her on without an agent. Oh well, we'll keep trying. It'll be fun to see if she can get a book published at 13!
Samuel next! Early in 3rd grade, Samuel & his buddy, B, began a club at school called "Trash Men". It really began as a response to a club some girls started called "Green Girls". The idea of both clubs was to pick up trash, encourage recycling, etc. Larry and I, as well as Samuel's teachers, figured it would fizzle out within a couple of weeks. Most third grade clubs do. But these guys were serious about their trash pick-up! Months later, Samuel was wanting to create "Trash Men" Tshirts and buy a van to haul trash in. (I know...I giggled about that, too.) I loved his ambition, but still thought the enthusiasm would die soon. Surprisingly, at the end of school, Samuel's teachers presented he & the other little boy with an award for organizing & maintaining a service-oriented club. We were pleased to see them stick with something all year long, especially something for a good cause!
Throughout the summer, Samuel talked about his plans to improve Trash Men when school began. Sadly, about a month after school started, his coleader moved out of state, so he was left as the sole leader of the group. Since he decided to let girls join him, he had to remove "Men" from the group's title & the club became (wait for it.........) TP. That stands for Trash Patrol, but the first time he told me I busted out laughing. He had no idea that other people would think TP might stand for something else! Anyway, TP has continued this year & blossomed. He's added quite a few more boys to the group and has been trying to get me to print up a 'test' he could give to the other kids to determine who will be able to lead TP when he's not at this school anymore. (I know...it's comical....how exactly do you test someone? Hey you, see that trash? This is a test. What do you do with the trash? Hooray..you picked it up! You're IN! ha ha)
A few weeks ago, one of the PE coaches approached Samuel about having a representative from a local environmental organization come meet with him about the club. He came home, all excited about that, but really had no clue what they'd meet with him about! On Thursday, the coach sent home a note saying that the group's rep would be at the school on Monday to meet w/ Samuel. He stayed after school to meet them & then excitedly told us how they'd asked a lot of questions to enter him into a state contest where they award young people for making efforts to do things that are good for the Earth. The prize is $100. He's super excited & already has plans for the money if he wins! We're proud of all he's doing and for the ambition & initiative he's putting into all of this, even if some of it sounds kind of silly. Way to go, Buddy!
And now Sarah: Every year, the schools in Texas administer a test. One of those awful standarized tests where the kids are forced to sit in their desk all day long & stare at little bubbles with their pencil in hand. The test is called TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge & Skills). It's pretty brutal, too. The teachers hate it too. There are so many rules & regulations they must follow, it's insane. At the 3rd grade level, the math portion of the TAKS test is HUGE. And I don't just mean lengthy. It's super tricky, but it's also one that carries a giant weight. If the kids fail this part of the test, they fail the 3rd grade! They're allowed a couple of tries to retake it, but if they still fail it in the end, they have to call a big group session with teachers, principals, counselors, etc and decide whether or not to allow the student to pass the grade. It's an enormous pressure on the teachers to make sure the kids know every little detail of the information...and it's an enormous pressure on the kids to pass. Such a scary, stressful time for these little ones!
Today was the Math portion of the TAKS test. Samuel & Sarah's grades both took it. Sarah's in 3rd grade, where the kids feel the most pressure to pass. Sarah's always done great in school, but she's also a very anxious kid who stresses over things. I was SO pleased to see her NOT stressed out today! And when she got in the car this afternoon, I asked her how she felt like she'd done. She said "I think I may've missed one problem. But that's not a big deal!"
I love that confidence! Way to go, baby girl. ROCK the TAKS!
Tomorrow, Samuel & Sarah's grades will each take the Reading portion of the TAKS. This will be the hardest part for Samuel. He struggles in reading, so if you see this before Wednesday, April 28th, I'd appreciate it if you lift a prayer for him. Savannah's grade level will take the TAKS test on Thurs & Fri of this week.
When digital cameras first hit the market ages ago, I was resistant to change. I always am. Once I figure out a way to do something, I like to stick with it til it is so stinkin' obsolete that I'm forced to change. I'm like that with everything. (In fact, I'm feeling that tonight with AOL...I've been having some issues with it, but I hate to change b/c I love AOL! Anyway...that's a whole other post!) I think we were the last people in America to own a CD player. And a DVD player. And ya know what? To date, we still don't have a DVR/Tivo. Or iPhones. Or any other sort of 'fancy' phone that you can do more than call someone with. So with all that said.....I did finally make the switch to digital vs film cameras.
A couple of years ago, my camera died on me. In a panic to replace it so I could take pictures of Sarah's baptism, I put out a request for one on Freecycle. I thought maybe someone was upgrading & would be willing to share their "outgrown" one. I had several offers, but ended up getting one my sister had stuck in a closet somewhere from her last upgrade. I took it & fell IN LOVE. It was as simple as my old camera had been, but took MUCHHHHH crisper, sharper, brighter pictures. I used that camera to death.
Literally...to death. I accidentally knocked it off the counter in my classroom on the day of my first Thanksgiving party back in November. I was devastated. We were in the middle of serious financial stress and I had *very few* dollars to spend buying a new one. I had another Thanksgiving party with my other class on the next day & I needed (or at least wanted!) another camera. On top of everything else, Christmas was coming & I knew I'd want to be able to take pictures of the kids & everything else related to Christmas. I asked friends & family, once again, if they were upgrading & had a spare camera I could borrow for a few months or buy cheap.
My sweet girlfriend came to the rescue. She had a garage sale a couple weeks prior & had attempted to sell a cheapie point & shoot camera. It hadn't sold & it was still sitting in the box in her storage building. I intended to BUY it from her, but forgot my checkbook when I went over to her house. She said to just borrow it or pay me later if I really felt like keeping it. Months went by before our finances improved & we both forgot about exchanging money for the camera. It's served its purpose, but the pictures it takes are not really clear or sharp, so I've been anxious to get a replacement for the old camera. I've looked at sale ads and checked a few in the stores. Lots of them caught my eye, but the pricetags were a little too steep for us right now, so I've looked on eBay for a duplicate of my old camera.
And guess what? I've found, and bid on, MANY of them. I've lost soooo many auctions, but finally last week, I got lucky & WON!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell you how excited I was to rip into this box today & pull out my "new" camera!
It's identical to my old one so I know exactly how to use it, I've already got memory cards for it, the USB cord, etc. In fact, tucked away in some drawer in our desk, I have the manual for it, too! It was missing the lens cap & carrying strap, but I was still holding onto the old camera so I swapped those out, and voila....I'm sooo excited to have "my" camera back! Just in time for a big week at school this coming week, too!
Here's a pic of the old/new camera.
And the one I've been using since November. Yeah, I know...it's still nothing fancy AT ALL, but it's clear & crisp & it makes me happy. So that's all that matters, right?
This site is so much fun. I've been asked all sorts of funny/silly questions and a few serious ones. There's always a box/link for it over at the right side of the page, but once in a while I like to repost about it so you can make sure you check it out.
Go HERE & send me a question. Check back in a day or two & find your answer.
If you read this blog regularly, lurk once in a while or just accidentally stumbled onto the site, please let me know who you are. Leave a comment & say "Hi, I'm ___ from ___." or whatever!
This morning I drove home from dropping the kids off at school and listened to a new song on the radio. I had not heard it before but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'll get to that in a minute.
Let me rewind a bit... A few years ago, the Christian singer Amy Grant walked out on her family. She left for another man, Vince Gill. I was devastated that this woman of great faith would do that. She had represented so many things for me as a little girl. My older sister had a few of her tapes (back in the old day, we didn't have CDs youngsters!) and I remember listening to "Sing Your Praise to the Lord" over & over & over. The instrumental parts to that song blew me away...and still do. But when she left her family for another man, I was shocked. It knocked the breath out of me & left me so discouraged. Somehow, much of the rest of the Christian music world seemed (at least to me) to not blink over it. She was out of the music industry for a short time, but then started producing records again. WHAT? How could I ever listen to her again & get the same blessing from it? I was looking at her through a whole different pair of eyes...the eyes that saw her flaw & her sin and just couldn't let it go. I've never quite gotten over that, I guess.
Fast forward... On the eve of Andrew & Kourtney's departure from our home, I was a mess. A glorious, ugly mama cry sort of mess. I was hurting and so very brutally vulnerable. I was horrified about the choices we were having to make, the way this might affect A&K later on down the road, how hard it would be for them. And then it happened. A girlfriend of mine sent me an email that shook me to the core. She told me that she didn't feel the least bit sorry for me. She told me that we were adding to A&K's traumatic childhood & I should be ashamed of myself for (in her words) "kicking them out". The blow of reading that email was like a kick in the stomach when I was already curled in a ball on the floor. I was devastated. The timing was horrible. If I'd read the same words 2 months later, I probably would've handled it better, but in that moment, I was crushed by a person who I thought was a dear friend. I tried to defend our choice that night & explain to her what was going on, but ultimately that conversation destroyed our friendship & we've barely spoken since.
It's been 3 years since the kids moved out. Up until very recently, any time that particular girlfriend's name came up, I felt it all over again -- the pain & hurt she caused. I wasn't so much ANGRY as I was just hurt. She & I tried to work things out about a year ago, but the conversation was very emotional & our words became daggers very quickly. I had to just walk away & say "nevermind". The truth is, the wound had never really fully healed & talking to her about the whole thing just tugged at the perimeter of those scars til the whole thing came open again & the pain spilled out.
But no matter how many times I've mentally or verbally forgiven her for the hurt she caused, I've never told HER that I have forgiven her. I've heard sermon after sermon & read umpteen devotional book entries about forgiveness in the 3 years that have passed. Every single time without fail, her name comes to mind. Not because I haven't forgiven her, but because God has nudged me to seek her out & tell her that all is forgiven & it's time to move on. I think the truth of the matter is that I know, in the pit of my stomach, if I forgive her & say "let's try this friendship thing again", I'm opening myself up to her. And opening myself up to her again is allowing her a chance to hurt me all over again.
In praying about this recently, I told God that. Father, I am afraid. I don't want to be hurt again. I know that what she said that night was said out of ignorance to the situation. She didn't full grasp what was going on. I think her motives were pure---she was trying to make me see something that she didn't think I'd thought through....but it hurt like hell, Lord. If I try to make good with her now, she may hurt me all over again and I'm just not ready for that.
You know what He said to me? Beloved, how do you think I feel? I forgive you day after day, time & time again...and you hurt me over & over. But I open myself up to you completely each time you come to me and I forgive you knowing that you'll hurt me again.
Yeah, I know. Talk about a knife to the heart. Ouch. I get it.
I tried to seek out my girlfriend a couple weeks ago but I can't get my hands on her mailing address. I don't have an email for her anymore. Her phone number was long since removed from my phone book. I really don't have a way to tell her that I forgive her....but somehow, in reaching that place, God's released me from the bondage of carrying around that burden. Just coming to a point of being WILLING to say "I was wrong to hold onto this for so long" has been so freeing.
I forgive you, M. I hate that things got so ugly between us. I was hurt and I didn't know how to let go of that for a long, long time. But I'm ready to forget the past & move on.
This morning, as I drove home, I heard this beautiful song on the radio. The video & lyrics are below. It was such a good song. It ministered to my heart and left me singing along with raised hands in my front yard. And ya know what?
Amy Grant is the singer.
Looks like it's time for me to let go of another hurt & forgive her & move on. If Jesus can, why can't I?
The lyrics: God loves a lullaby In a mothers tears in the dead of night Better than a Hallelujah sometimes. God loves the drunkards cry, The soldiers plea not to let him die Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
We pour out our miseries God just hears a melody Beautiful the mess we are The honest cries of breaking hearts Are better than a Hallelujah.
The woman holding on for life, The dying man giving up the fight Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes The tears of shame for what's been done, The silence when the words won't come Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
Better than a church bell ringing, Better than a choir singing out, singing out.
I am married to the most awesome man alive. I have 3 fabulous kids that make me proud to be their mom every day. I am an unashamed follower of Jesus. Without Him in my life, I wouldn't be who I am. I love to write, so this is my world.
