2012 in Review

JANUARY
*I began writing a column for our local newspaper.  I've had a blast writing it & have heard, throughout the year, that people actually read it!
*I launched a prayer team ministry on Facebook called P4TK (Praying for the Kids) after I had yet another friend lose a child.  P4TK is reserved for praying for kids with chronic or terminal conditions.  It's been such a blessing this year!
*I enjoyed a full day of teaching by Sheila Walsh at a local church.  She is amazing!

FEBRUARY
*Sarah turned 11.

MARCH
*Samuel turned 12 & got braces.

APRIL
*Using leftover flagstone from my a project my parents had recently completed, Larry built "the thinking spot" next to our house---a rock "porch" sort of place where he can sit and read, think or just enjoy nature.

MAY
*Our neighbors to the west of us are renters.  The house goes through tenants regularly.  In between tenants (and sometimes even when there are tenants living there!) the yard is often overgrown and dirty.  In May, they experienced a large rat infestation.  Their little "guests" found their way into our yard and left me completely digusted and grossed out on a daily basis.  Rat poison and a vigilante 12 year old with a bow and arrow eventually took care of the problem.  But in the meantime, ewwwwwww!
*Sarah won the 5th grade spelling bee.
*Larry switched jobs.
*The kids finished 5th, 6th and 10th grades.

JUNE
*I returned to the preschool (where I've worked in some manner or another since 2007) for the summer.  My summers wouldn't feel complete without a twice-weekly dose of preschooler fun!
*Samuel went to Boy Scout Camp and Youth Camp.
*The girls went on a trip to Colorado & back with my parents while Samuel was away at camp.

JULY
*The kids and I took part in a local mission trip with the youth group, a '5 Day Club' hosted by Child Evangelism Fellowship, at a local park.
*I began searching for a job with a bigger paycheck.

AUGUST
*Savannah began summer band practices.
*Savannah turned 16.
*Larry & I celebrated our 18th anniversary.
*I was offered a job at a local law firm & began the job at the month's end.
*Samuel began his first season of playing football.

SEPTEMBER
*Savannah got her letter jacket for UIL Journalism, giving our home a 2nd generation student to receive their letter jacket from the same high school for journalism pursuits.  (I got mine for being on the yearbook staff in 1994.)
*We traveled to The Woodlands, TX and stayed in a nice resort for Larry's cousin's wedding.  It would've been a great little mini vacation, but we brought home a stomach virus that we passed around amongst the family for nearly two weeks afterward.
*Larry turned 39.
*Samuel dislocated his thumb badly enough to need a cast for a week followed by 2 weeks in a brace.

OCTOBER
*Sarah tried out & was accepted on the UIL Dictionary Skills team at school.
*We spent our very first Halloween at home, handing out candy to trick or treaters.

NOVEMBER
*I turned 37.
*Found out mid-month that I would be laid off at the end of the year.  Stress levels hit the ceiling and the job hunt began.

DECEMBER
*Job search continued and many hours of sleep were lost as I battled emotionally & spiritually with the fears of what lie ahead.
*Christmas came and went.  It was a smaller, quieter Christmas than in the past, but it was a good one!

As we look ahead to 2013, we pray that your family is blessed!

It Is Well With My Soul

It's been a month since I updated the blog.  I don't think I have ever gone that long between posts since I started this blog in February 2006.  I know the handful of you who read this don't sit around waiting to hear from me, but I need to write.  It's my outlet.

Fortunately there is Facebook, where I've updated daily.  There are the thousand emails, texts, phone calls & people I run into every day who check to see how things are going.  There is my column in the local newspaper where I've shared a little of what's going on.  So I'm not hiding under the covers and sucking my thumb just yet.

In the past month, I have sat at my computer reading job listings, tapping my foot, bouncing my leg 90mph with my shoulders up around my ears.  I'm fidgeting, biting my nails.  I have prayed, nearly constantly, since mid-November.  I've never been in this position before, knowing that my lay off date is looming nearer with each passing day, and not having any idea what I'll be doing afterward.

I have a few ideas of things I can do for money until one of the bazillion jobs I've applied for comes through, until one of the people I've interviewed with says "Come work for me."  There has been one job offer, but it didn't work out.  All the sudden, I understand people becoming desperate enough to do criminal things to provide for their family.  (To be clear, I'd NEVER do that, but I am beginning to understand how they get to that point.)

I have ugly, messy, scary days where I shake in my boots and beat my fists.  Days when I feel like sleeping at night is just a way to pass the time while the world spins, all while I pray for survival.  I have days when it's all I can do to breathe in and out; days when I can barely claw my fingernails through the grime on the ground of this long, dark tunnel.  Hopelessness, fear, doubt...they've become my bedmates.

But then I stand in the shower with the water running down my face and I start praying.  Or I am driving down the road and a song comes on the radio.  Or I hear someone say something that wasn't even meant for me but I grab hold of it and squeeze it until it is empty of all the hope it gave me.  I've found myself pouring over Scripture, pleading with the words to jump off the page at me and bring me relief.  I've listened to sermons about surrendering, heard lessons about relaxing & trusting God.  I've printed Scriptures & taped them on the walls to read & re-read.

I wish I was to the place in this story where I can look back at it all & say "Ohhhh....that's how God was working." But I'm not quite there yet. I know the day is coming. I know (that I know that I know that I know) He's got all the details worked out, every single little piece in place. And I trust in that.  Really, I do.


But some days are easier than others to relax & trust in that.

There are days when I want to just scream "Why can't life be easy for us?  Even for just 5 minutes?"  It feels like we've struggled in one way or another over and over and over for years now.  Isn't it time for things to fall in place and give us some peace, God?  He reminds me, when I feel that way, that I can't look at all the thousand times He's come through for us in the past and assume He is going to forget us this time.  He reminds me of the thousand times He's come through for us...at JUST the right time.  In His time.  Usually at the very last minute.  I can not think of all those times and worry about all of this.  Too much.

My heart believes that and my head knows it to be true, but my flesh still cries out for something concrete to grasp hold of.

In the meantime, I am singing this.  Over and over.  And finding that the more I focus on HIM, the more it really IS well with my soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,


When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,

No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life

Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,

The sky, not the grave, is our goal;

Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!

Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

November 20: Today I am grateful for...

I've lost track of what I've said I'm thankful for & what I haven't.  Tonight I just want to share a story with you from yesterday.  I have much to be thankful for.

Monday November 19th:

Early this morning, the church finance secretary called me.  She said there were several boxes of food with my name on them at the church office.  She didn't know where they came from, but she wanted to work out a time for me to come pick them up.  I couldn't imagine WHY someone was giving us this, but said thank you & told her I'd be there this afternoon to pick it up.

An hour later, my boss called me in to tell me that I'm losing my job in 6 weeks.  He was so very apologetic.  He's accepted another job elsewhere, so as of January 1st my job ends.  Talk about being stunned.  I think I just sat there & grinned like an idiot and tried to figure out what would happen next.  But while I was sitting on the couch in his office hearing this news, I couldn't help but think "God knew this was going to happen.  He provided groceries before I even knew!"

When I left the office to drive home, I fell apart.  I sobbed, I cried, I prayed.  The windshield and windows heard me begging God to provide...somehow.  When I finally reached a place where I could sort of breathe again, I started singing.  I didn't think of it on my own...it was all God.  And what did He give me?  "Great is Thy Faithfulness!"  Even as I sang it, I warred against singing those words because I wanted to be all angry & frustrated...but I couldn't forget His faithfulness to us, even in my fear and sadness.  I am SO grateful that I've spent years tucking away Scripture, singing hymns and praise songs with such great truths hidden in them.  Today it was not ME but the Spirit who sang that song all the way to my house from my office.  By the time I reached home, I was at peace.  Still devastated & scared to death no doubt, but at peace.

I picked up the kids from school and we made the trip to the church office to pick up the groceries.  I had considered sharing all of the food with a friend who runs a nonprofit to collect groceries for families in need, but we decided to keep 99% of it after learning the job news today (and there was so much that I can't even fit 1 more tiny thing into my pantry!)  When we got home & started unloading the boxes, I found a little piece of grace tucked between the cans & boxes.  A sizable gift card to Walmart was in there, too!!

He provides before we ever even know there is a need, friends.

Great is His faithfulness.  Morning by morning new mercies I see.  All I have needed, His hand has provided.  Great is His faithfulness.

Nov 12-14: Today I am grateful for...

I know, I'm not doing so well at keeping up with this!  I think about it every day, but just don't have tons of time to sit down & type.  Playing catch up again!

Nov 12:  Today I am grateful for my daughter, Savannah.  At 16, she is so much stronger than I was at her age.  I fell prey to peer pressure and boys and selfishness at that age (like so many teens do), but Savannah is strong & has a good head on her shoulders.  So proud of her!

Nov 13:  Today I am grateful for my son, Samuel.  He reminds me of all the sweet things I fell in love with Larry for 20 years ago.  He is so much like his daddy in a million ways.  And for that, I couldn't be more happy.  He's got an awesome dad and if he grows up to be just like him, that will be a good thing!

Nov 14: Today I am grateful for my daughter, Sarah.  She is smart and talented and funny.  She is incredibly responsible and endeavors to never break the rules or hurt anyone (well, except for her brother...ha ha).  Sarah is such a light in my world.  I can't imagine life without her in it.

Nov 11: Today I am grateful for music.

Today I am grateful for music.

In my childhood, it was Alabama, The Oak Ridge Boys, Kenny Rogers, Eddie Rabbitt, Dolly Parton and a million other country musicians that my parents enjoyed.  In my early teens I thought I was way too cool for country music and took a trip down rock & roll boulevard for a short time.  I remember Janet Jackson, New Kids on the Block, Def Leppard, Poison, Paula Abdul & Mariah Carey, among others.  As I reached the end of High School, I returned to country music.  Maybe it's because I had a little bit of a crush on Garth Brooks and Alan Jackson. And George Strait and Vince Gill, among others.

In the latter 1990s, I figured out a thing about myself.  Or rather, I re-figured out something I had known for a long time.  That is, like the old saying goes "Garbage in, garbage out."  In other words, I made the choice to be intentional about what I was putting into my head and heart.  I still listen to country or rock (my favorites are now considered 'oldies'!) but my choice of music 95% of the time is Contemporary Christian.  That's certainly not to say that if you choose to listen to something else, you're bad or wrong.  It's just that for me, I must fill my head with something positive & God-honoring or I'll see all kinds of crap pour out in my life.

I know many people will say that music moves them, it expresses things they can't find the words for, it perks them up like nothing else can, it improves their mood and is a stress-reliever.

I agree with all of those statements.  But there is something more that I feel about music.

Being a writer, there are things that often I can write better than I can say.  For years, my choice of communication has been text, email, letters, etc.  But I can't write a song to save my life.  I really appreciate those who can!

So today I'm thankful for music and for those who write songs!  Your talent amazes me and is a huge part of my life every single day!  Thank you for sharing your gift.

Nov. 6-10: Today I am grateful for...

Oopsie!

I am running behind on my thankful list!  Time to catch up!

Today, I am grateful for....
November 6: ....freedom to vote, freedom to gripe & fuss if "my guy" didn't get elected (for the record, my guy did not get elected this time).  That's all I'm going to say about that.  I hate politics.

November 7: ...vehicle repairs.  My van has been making a funky noise for a month.  We haven't had enough money to get it fixed, so we've had to listen to it & pray that nothing broke while we waited for payday.  On Tuesday, we took the van in to a local dealership that is largely run by friends of ours from church.  They fixed the van & gave us a discount on the price.  THANK YOU Sean! (and Josh, Chris, Alley, Clark, Rick...and all the others!)

November 8: ...my job.  In a time where so many people are looking for jobs, I am grateful that I have one.  And I am lucky enough to work with people I enjoy hanging out with every day.

November 9: ...facebook.  Seriously, how fun is it to have your birthday on Facebook?

November 10: ...school spirit.  I am blessed to live in a community where school spirit is HIGH.  I've said before that we bleed maroon & white (our school colors).  Last night we had a MAJOR football game that would determine the district title.  Our undefeated football team faced another undefeated football team.  Both teams played HARD until the very last second.  It was tied several times throughout the game & in the last few seconds, the other team scored and won the game.  It was a sad loss.  Seriously, I got misty knowing how bad those boys wanted to win and knowing how disappointed they must've been to lose.  But it was made all better to see that the stands were PACKED with people who love our kids and were there to cheer for them NO MATTER WHAT.  And even better, I loved watched our awesome coach circle up all the boys after the game, have them take a knee, and prayed for them.  It blows me away to know how blessed we are to live here.  Small town southern politics or not...I love living here!

Nov 4 & 5: Today I am grateful for family.

I know it generally goes without saying, but today I am grateful for my family.

I grew up in a loving home, filled with great memories.  My parents are still married today, though I'm sure that over the years there have been times when they really wish they had killed each other.  My two sisters and I are pretty close, even though one of them lives over an hour away.  I have a wonderful collection of 8 nephews and 4 nieces from my side of the family.

On Larry's side of the family, we have his parents and amazing grandmother, who at almost 80 years old is still just as active and full of spunk as she was when I met her 20 years ago!  There are several incredible aunts and uncles, some super fun cousins and a handful of baby second cousins, too!

In my own home, of course, I have my awesome husband (who will get his own post later on!) and 3 great kids who I could not be prouder of!

Truly, I am richly blessed with a terrific family!