Prayers Thurs 3/23

Tonight I felt the urging to begin praying for G specifically. I will be doing that in the coming days & urge you to join me.
And for all you prayer warriors out there who've asked for specific requests for the rest of us, here is an update:
Larry--- needs prayers for his physical health. His back is still giving him fits. He's had 2 (or 3?) epidural injections now without any real lasting relief. He's doing some chiropractic work now, but the chiro doc didn't seem to feel too promising about how much he could help. He may be headed to surgery, and while that's not the end of the world, we would like to avoid going under the knife if possible. Continue to pray for Larry as he deals with balancing work and home. He has been doing very well & not overdoing anything in any area, so I pray that this continues.
Savannah---needs prayer for compassion & patience & strength. She's doing really well with the adjustment to A&K's presence in our home, but the stress that she's been feeling has really brought out the worst in her tone of voice & words lately. I think this is just a matter of acting out due to the stress, so please bathe her heart and tongue in prayers.
Andrew---needs prayers as he will visit the therapist for the first time on Monday. Bind Satan from that counseling room, pray for God to give him a special openness with the therapist and a willingness to share things and start to work through the pain & struggles of this whole situation. Also, continue to pray for spiritual breakthroughs in Andrew's life. I think he's really "on the verge" and I know that having an intimacy with God could phenomenally & remarkably change who Andrew is & how he deals with things every day.
Samuel---needs prayers for protection of his heart. While he's always been more drawn to obvious, outward sins (while the girls tend toward the quiet, hidden ones), having a new "partner in crime" in the house hasn't helped any. We're working to teach Andrew the way we do things here & Samuel's struggling to keep the things he's learned from Andrew. Granted, nothing is horrible or vile.....but there are a few behaviors that I'd rather skip over entirely.
Kourtney---needs prayers to finally let down her guard & "get it all out". She's had several instances of almost bursting into tears (in sadness about her mom), but she always sucks it up at the last minute & doesn't let it out. I know that she really needs to grieve and I think that will start with an outpouring of tears & emotion. I hate to see her go through it, but I think it's necessary.
Sarah---needs continued prayers for her little wounded spirit. She is still feeling the brunt of "losing" some of mommy's time/energy. I've been making every effort to make sure that all the kids get some one on one attention....but she's just used to getting MORE of it. Today at school, she wanted to come sleep in my room so I let her. Once she gets that security thing going, she's fine...but she's still working through some hurt feelings here.
Me---I suppose I have to open myself up here, too, huh? Ok....I need prayers for my physical strength & energy levels & sleep habits. I haven't slept too normally in the past 6 weeks or so. Things seem to go in cycles of really rough days or really good ones. I'm grateful that the 'really good' ones are coming more & more frequently, but the tough ones seem to be REALLY tough. I guess I can see why some people numb their pain & struggles with alcohol or pills. I just use food myself. :) None of us have it all figured out & unless we leave the stress & struggles at the feet of Christ, we're not doing ourself any good worrying or partaking of our vice to try to comfort ourselves! Pray for me to quit seeking out another comfort measure...and to take it all straight to the throne and LEAVE it there.
THank you for your continued love, prayers & support. We appreciate it all!

Sunday March 5

These first two weeks have been good. While there are challenging moments that make me sigh & some that make me want to scream, we've been blessed with an abundance of awesome moments that have made it all soooooooo worth while.

On the night that A & K arrived, I was totally blown away. The exhaustion I felt that first night knocked me off my feet at 10pm & I slept like a log. The emotional rollercoaster that I felt like we'd spent the prior week riding had finally slowed down long enough for me to put on my seatbelt & get a firm grip.... and boy what a ride it's been ever since.

These days, I find that things are no more complicated or crazy than they were with 3 kids. I mean, the same struggles exist---getting rooms cleaned, sibling rivalry, sharing toys, the usual stuff. I feel like the kids have already molded themselves into our little family & are a part of us so completely. These sweet little ones are so flexible & willing to go with us, do with us...whatever we need to do, they're right there with us, anxious to fit right into the family. It's almost like they are made of clay---fitting the form & molding right into the group so smoothly. :)

The oldest of my brood, Savannah, is doing well. She's had several breakdowns since A&K arrived, but is doing well overall. She's learning compassion & understanding and is having fun with another brother. She & Andrew are best buddies most of the time. On Friday night, she spent the night with a friend. The rest of the crew spent the night in one room (our usual Friday night "party" over here!). When Andrew realized that Savannah was not going to be there w/ him, he said "It's just not as much fun without Savannah." She is well-loved and honored as the oldest "smartest" one. Everyone loves for Savannah to read them stories and play with them.

The second oldest of our crew, Andrew, is doing really well. The longer he's here, the more the walls fall down. I'm seeing a child emerge from behind the big tough guy walls. Last night I saw him cry for the first time. He was playing with one of my little hand-held weights that I use to work out & dropped it on his finger. OUCH! Two weeks ago, I suspect he would've sucked up the tears & acted like a soldier...but last night, he was a little boy! He came & snuggled in my lap, let me kiss his booboo & was able to be a little kid. What a blessing! I pray that those walls continue to fall. He's doing well in school, making friends and generally enjoying himself. I asked him tonight if he liked living here--and made sure to tell him that he could be honest if he didn't like it. He grinned from ear to ear, yanked me down beside him with a big hug & said "Yes! Yes! I love it here!". I'm so glad.....I love having him here, too!

Next in line is Mr. Samuel. Sambo has been so easy-going about all of this. Having a brother to make those nice armpit-farting noises with is his idea of paradise. (I'm so proud.....Savannah can do it, too.) Samuel has loved sharing a room with Andrew, but thinks that Kourtney is a bratty girl. Of course, he thinks that about Savannah & Sarah too. Only in the past week have I seen Samuel start to fuss about "having" to share his room. He doesn't so much mind Andrew being there...but he wants his bed! ha!

Miss Kourtney continues to do very well, too. She still says that she doesn't like school & wants to stay at home, though. When she moved in we felt like it was best for her to continue in Pre-K since that's what she was already doing....but I hate making her go now that she's saying she wants to stay home with Sarah & I. Considering that they only have 2 months to go and Sarah is needing some private mommy time, I guess I'll let her finish out the year, but I suspect I will continue to hear complaints. :( Her teacher says she is very pleasant & has many friends and she's doing great in school....so maybe she's fine once she gets there. Last week she made up a story to tell her class about what happened to her mom. Of course, what she made up with a million times worse than the truth. I didn't know what was going on in her little mind until the teacher told me what she'd said. Yikes! We talked about it & as it turns out, she doesn't want to discuss the true story at school, so she made up something that, to her, was better than the truth. We made sure to help her understand that if she doesn't want to talk about it, she can just say so....but making up stories isn't ok. She seems to get that now. I've noticed that Kourtney has a vivid imagination & makes up a lot of stories--- someone hit her (but they weren't in the room at the time!)...someone took her toy (but she's still holding it)....things like that. I think that she's dealing with things slowly & part of her adjusting to a new home/siblings/family is trying to figure out where her "place" is in this group. Poor kiddo has a lot of "new" to adjust to!

And last is Miss Sarah. Sarah has probably had the hardest time (of my bio 3) adjusting to all of this. Before A&K arrived, she was already feeling a shift of my attention & started regressing into whining & crying (loudly!) over things. She wants to make sure that I don't forget her, so she's throwing huge fits over the smallest thing. If she can't find her shoes, oh the waterworks.......... if she can't get a shirt off, oh my gosh, warn the ambulance crews.......you get the idea. You'd think, by the size of her tears, that she's been abused & forgotten about. I've made it my goal to spend as much of my Mon/Wed/Fri days off with her as possible. Of course, I still have dishes & laundry & vacuuming & errands & such to do........but I'm trying to take her to a special lunch every Friday and spend lots of time playing games with her and coloring pictures together, etc. With the increased focused attention, she's starting to move back in the direction of my "old Sarah". She is such a precious sweetie....I hate to see her feeling like we've forgotten her.

As for Larry & I, we're doing ok. Larry has really stepped up & begun helping me out more at home. It's not uncommon to see him working on a load of laundry before he leaves for work in the morning or emptying the dishwasher when he comes home or overseeing a shower in the bathroom at night. Good daddy! I'm doing alright, too. The initial adjustment phase seems to have passed & things are getting back to normal now. That's not to say that we were ever really normal anyway (ha ha!), but things are moving in the right direction....and that is good.

Galatians 6:9 "Do not grow weary in doing what is right, for at the proper time, you will reap the harvest if you don't give up."

Matthew 11:28 & 30 "Come to me all who labor and are heavily burdened & I will give you rest......for my yoke is easy & my burden is light."

Luke 18:17 "Suffer not the little children....let them come unto me."

Hebrews 10:25 "Don't forsake the gathering together with believers."

Having a great family of believers surrounding us on all sides is such a blessing. Thank you for your continued prayers and all the encouragement you offer us each time we're with you. It is not going unnoticed!

For those of you who've asked for specific prayer requests, here ya go.

For Savannah--continued understanding of the task we've taken on as a family and the compassion to help us in this journey.

For Andrew--he appears to be very close to a deeper understanding of God's love for him. Please pray that he will go beyond that simple understanding to a full relationship with Christ. Pray for him to reach a place where he can really mourn his mom's death and the "loss" of his dad. He will answer questions about it now if he's asked but doesn't volunteer the conversation.

For Samuel--to continue being flexible & loving with his new siblings.

For Kourtney--to grow to enjoy school.

For Sarah--greater understanding of the circumstances and to "grow" back to the place she was before.

For Larry & I-- to be able to continue ministering at Rose Heights as effectively as we did prior to our new family changes and to assimilate the kids into that lifestyle easily. For continued strength & boldness every day.

Wed Feb 22

Another day with these sweet babies....

Today was our ARD meeting with the school for Andrew. This special ed. stuff is all new to us, so I feel blessed to have great people in the school who are so concerned & want the best for Andrew, too. They are really working to get all the services he may need provided. The principal & counselor, I'm sure, will be invaluable friends to us this year! (& of course his teacher, too!)

After school this afternoon, Savannah saw her psychiatrist. I'm glad that this appointment was already set up & due to hit when it did. She really needed to talk all of this stuff out with him. He is such a great doctor, too, and was able to pull some things out of her that I haven't heard her mention before today. Anyway, I'm really glad that happened today. I took she & Sarah with me to see him while Larry took the middle three with him.

Several friends (& Savannah's doc) have recommended a particular play therapist to work with Andrew & Kourtney. We found out today that our insurance co. has officially approved them & they are now covered! (Major praise!) This means we can go ahead & get them in with the therapist ASAP and we can get them in with our pediatrician for check ups & such as needed.

Savannah & Andrew are both having trouble getting to sleep at night, so I checked w/ her doc today. He recommended getting a bottle of melatonin at the health food store. He said that there had actually been a recent study of melatonin in kids (which is rare) & that there was a "significant number of children in the study who had good results", so I think we're going to give it a try. It's just a synthetic form of the hormone your body already produces to help get to sleep. Can't hurt.

Tonight Kourtney talked a lot about her mom. She said she's had dreams about her, but I'm not sure if these were daydreams or night-time dreams. She says that in her dreams, "mama is on the side". I think she means that she just sees her sitting & watching her. We talked about how mommy was in Heaven & watching her from there. We talked about the verse in the Bible that talks about "all the saints in Heaven cheering & getting excited when one person (on earth) puts their faith in Christ" so that must mean that the people in Heaven have some way to see what's going on down here now & then. I told her she could pray & ask God to tell her mom that she misses her. When we talked about how she'd see her again in Heaven, she quickly shook her head no & said she didn't want to go to Heaven. Why not? "Because I'll have to die first." We talked about how you don't have to be afraid to die because Heaven is a really special place with Jesus. We talked about how everyone dies eventually when we get old. She was quick to point out "mama wasn't old". I agreed & told her that mommy died because she got hurt & sometimes that happens to people who aren't old. It's sad, but it does happen. We talked for a long time about all this.

Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, Andrew came in & asked me "Do I have to call you mom?". I told him he could call me whatever he wants to...but that he doesn't have to call me mom unless he really wants to. I reminded him that he has a mommy in Heaven & no one can replace her, but that I'd always love him & treat him as if he was my own little boy---even if I wasn't called "mom". He seemed happy with that answer & went back to his room.

I think that things are all slowly coming to a head with Andrew as far as emotions go. He seems a little more preoccupied & "off in his own world" in the late evenings these last couple of days. Just like Savannah zones out with books to retreat from things that make her worry, he zones out with his Gameboy or headphones (which means those are NOT things that we could ground him from if he gets in trouble--he really needs those as his own little therapy tools right now). When he's doing that, if anyone around him talks or makes much noise at all, he really flips out. He wants silence & peace around him when he's tuning things out. I have a feeling that means that he's getting closer to actually dealing with the pain of all that's going on. I feel so bad for him, but at the same time, I know it's a process he'll have to go through. It's so tragic that he has to deal with this stuff at all........but I'm glad that Larry & I can be there to help him through it. Poor baby!

Tonight at church, he went into Worship World (the children's church room) for the initial part of the Wed. evening activities, but just like he did at school, when they all went into the choir room, he got really nervous. He asked if he could just stand in the hall & watch, so the teachers let him. I came out of our room (right across the hall) at one point & found him standing in the hall watching the choir class. I know that despite his tough guy exterior, he's really a shy kid who's terrified of all the new things in his life right now. Heck, I'm 30 & the idea of that many things happening & changing in my life all at once would scare the beejeebers out of me, too! I'm sure that he'll warm up to the choir class & will probably be willing to go in next week. Keep that in your prayers. :)

Bedtime with Andrew tonight was very sweet again. When I was hugging everyone goodnight, he was laying on his back & held out his arms real wide as if to ask for a hug. I leaned down to hug him & as I did, he wrapped his arms & legs around me like a little monkey. I said "Hey, do I get a monkey hug tonight?" & he just giggled & said yes. So I plopped down with him giving him plenty of squeezes & started blowing raspberries on his cheek. He started laughing like crazy & acted so surprised by it. I asked if that was the first time anyone had ever done that & he said yes through the giggles, so I proceeded to give him "zerberts" all over his cheeks & shoulders. (Zerbert is what Bill Cosby called it on the Cosby show.) Honestly, I think it's the first time I've heard the kiddo giggle like that all week! Bedtime is growing on me.....I think it's my favorite time of day with the little man!

Praises: The insurance co. added the kids without questions! We got Andrew registered to play soccer today & seems really psyched about it. Art class is only a couple days away...he's so excited! Kourtney had a better time at school today (she's been saying that she didn't really want to go).

All in all, another great day!