Wed Feb 22

Another day with these sweet babies....

Today was our ARD meeting with the school for Andrew. This special ed. stuff is all new to us, so I feel blessed to have great people in the school who are so concerned & want the best for Andrew, too. They are really working to get all the services he may need provided. The principal & counselor, I'm sure, will be invaluable friends to us this year! (& of course his teacher, too!)

After school this afternoon, Savannah saw her psychiatrist. I'm glad that this appointment was already set up & due to hit when it did. She really needed to talk all of this stuff out with him. He is such a great doctor, too, and was able to pull some things out of her that I haven't heard her mention before today. Anyway, I'm really glad that happened today. I took she & Sarah with me to see him while Larry took the middle three with him.

Several friends (& Savannah's doc) have recommended a particular play therapist to work with Andrew & Kourtney. We found out today that our insurance co. has officially approved them & they are now covered! (Major praise!) This means we can go ahead & get them in with the therapist ASAP and we can get them in with our pediatrician for check ups & such as needed.

Savannah & Andrew are both having trouble getting to sleep at night, so I checked w/ her doc today. He recommended getting a bottle of melatonin at the health food store. He said that there had actually been a recent study of melatonin in kids (which is rare) & that there was a "significant number of children in the study who had good results", so I think we're going to give it a try. It's just a synthetic form of the hormone your body already produces to help get to sleep. Can't hurt.

Tonight Kourtney talked a lot about her mom. She said she's had dreams about her, but I'm not sure if these were daydreams or night-time dreams. She says that in her dreams, "mama is on the side". I think she means that she just sees her sitting & watching her. We talked about how mommy was in Heaven & watching her from there. We talked about the verse in the Bible that talks about "all the saints in Heaven cheering & getting excited when one person (on earth) puts their faith in Christ" so that must mean that the people in Heaven have some way to see what's going on down here now & then. I told her she could pray & ask God to tell her mom that she misses her. When we talked about how she'd see her again in Heaven, she quickly shook her head no & said she didn't want to go to Heaven. Why not? "Because I'll have to die first." We talked about how you don't have to be afraid to die because Heaven is a really special place with Jesus. We talked about how everyone dies eventually when we get old. She was quick to point out "mama wasn't old". I agreed & told her that mommy died because she got hurt & sometimes that happens to people who aren't old. It's sad, but it does happen. We talked for a long time about all this.

Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, Andrew came in & asked me "Do I have to call you mom?". I told him he could call me whatever he wants to...but that he doesn't have to call me mom unless he really wants to. I reminded him that he has a mommy in Heaven & no one can replace her, but that I'd always love him & treat him as if he was my own little boy---even if I wasn't called "mom". He seemed happy with that answer & went back to his room.

I think that things are all slowly coming to a head with Andrew as far as emotions go. He seems a little more preoccupied & "off in his own world" in the late evenings these last couple of days. Just like Savannah zones out with books to retreat from things that make her worry, he zones out with his Gameboy or headphones (which means those are NOT things that we could ground him from if he gets in trouble--he really needs those as his own little therapy tools right now). When he's doing that, if anyone around him talks or makes much noise at all, he really flips out. He wants silence & peace around him when he's tuning things out. I have a feeling that means that he's getting closer to actually dealing with the pain of all that's going on. I feel so bad for him, but at the same time, I know it's a process he'll have to go through. It's so tragic that he has to deal with this stuff at all........but I'm glad that Larry & I can be there to help him through it. Poor baby!

Tonight at church, he went into Worship World (the children's church room) for the initial part of the Wed. evening activities, but just like he did at school, when they all went into the choir room, he got really nervous. He asked if he could just stand in the hall & watch, so the teachers let him. I came out of our room (right across the hall) at one point & found him standing in the hall watching the choir class. I know that despite his tough guy exterior, he's really a shy kid who's terrified of all the new things in his life right now. Heck, I'm 30 & the idea of that many things happening & changing in my life all at once would scare the beejeebers out of me, too! I'm sure that he'll warm up to the choir class & will probably be willing to go in next week. Keep that in your prayers. :)

Bedtime with Andrew tonight was very sweet again. When I was hugging everyone goodnight, he was laying on his back & held out his arms real wide as if to ask for a hug. I leaned down to hug him & as I did, he wrapped his arms & legs around me like a little monkey. I said "Hey, do I get a monkey hug tonight?" & he just giggled & said yes. So I plopped down with him giving him plenty of squeezes & started blowing raspberries on his cheek. He started laughing like crazy & acted so surprised by it. I asked if that was the first time anyone had ever done that & he said yes through the giggles, so I proceeded to give him "zerberts" all over his cheeks & shoulders. (Zerbert is what Bill Cosby called it on the Cosby show.) Honestly, I think it's the first time I've heard the kiddo giggle like that all week! Bedtime is growing on me.....I think it's my favorite time of day with the little man!

Praises: The insurance co. added the kids without questions! We got Andrew registered to play soccer today & seems really psyched about it. Art class is only a couple days away...he's so excited! Kourtney had a better time at school today (she's been saying that she didn't really want to go).

All in all, another great day!