Heavy Heart

In 2009, a good friend went through the loss of a child, a baby girl with anencephaly. (Google it if you must, but beware...photos are graphic.) Walking through that tragedy with her changed me. I had known a million other people who had lost babies over the years, but for some reason, her particular situation moved me on a different level than all those others. She was a coworker. The other teachers & I sat in my room one afternoon & prayed for our friend, begging God for a miracle. But His plan didn't include healing on earth for their little girl. She's whole & complete & perfect now, in Heaven. I know that I in no way can possibly grasp how painful that was for my friend, but I was so honored to be able to go through those days with her, in some small way.

Earlier this year, another friend heard of another mama in Texas whose baby had been diagnosed with the same thing. I got in touch with her and offered my prayers & support. I offered to drive to the hospital & take pictures for her after the baby arrived. I wanted to help in some way. It's such a helpless feeling to be on the outside in these situations, knowing there is NOTHING that can take away the reality of the situation, the pain mom & dad are feeling, the loss & emptiness afterward. Nothing. I think we all start searching, trying to find a way to fill in the gaps to give them a little room to breathe & worry about the situation at hand without having to worry about the other little details of life. Babysitting, bringing over meals, washing the car, mowing the yard, walking the dog....anything to remove the burden of regular day to day life from a hurting family.

I was so very blessed that this new mama allowed me into her life by way of her blog & befriending me on Facebook so I could keep up with her journey & "get to know" her family through pictures & the posts she wrote on her blog. Last week, she mentioned the delivery date & I asked when it would be. I promised to pray for her on the day her little one would arrive.

That day was today. At 7:30 this morning, she went in for a Csection. At 9:20, I got a text from her sister saying that he was here & that the doctor expected him to live for several hours. At 2-something, I checked in & he was still hanging in there, mama was doing ok. I haven't attempted to check back with her since then. I don't want to intrude on this private time for their family. But I still want to do something.

I've been praying for them all day long. It breaks my heart to see another family lose a little one to this ugly disease/disorder/malformation...whatever the right word for it is. These beautiful babies are perfect in every other way. Healthy chubby little legs & arms & tummies, sweet faces, pretty eyes. This mama's heart can hardly stand it.

Tonight, while my friend's family weighed heavily on my mind, I heard this song for the first time ever. I don't know how old it is, but wow....so very fitting. What beauty in the lyrics. Enjoy. (the lyrics are below the video)



We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise