Friday, June 7, 2013

She's growing up too fast.

A week ago, Savannah got on a charter bus bound for Washington DC with the high school band.  She's about 2 hours away from returning home tonight.

She's had a great trip with only a few bumps in the road along the way.  I know it's a huge accomplishment and such a great life experience for her.  I know she's had a blast and has learned about our country, herself, her friends.  I am so proud of her and to be called her mother.  God blessed me with her nearly 17 years ago and I grow more proud of her every day.

But for a few seconds, can I just be a sappy mama and point out that seeing her accomplish big things like is so hard?  The first day of Kindergarten was so emotional.  I mean, I wanted her to go and learn and make friends and become more independent.  But at the same time I wanted to keep her little.  And then on the last day of school, I was emotional again because, well... she did it.  By herself.  She accomplished another big thing without any help from mama.  And every year since then has passed more & more quickly, each May reminding me that I'm one step closer to letting her go and giving her wings to take on the world.

This trip is sort of like that.  I am THRILLED that she had the opportunity to go.  I LOVE that she got to see things that she will remember for the rest of her life.  I ADORE the band directors and the band program we have in our school system and the chances it provides so many kids who might never get a chance to see places like this otherwise.

But as the buses pulled away last weekend, I got choked up.  And as they return tonight, I'm sure I will do the same.

I guess it's all just a reminder that she's growing up.  Very soon, she won't need me anymore.  Not in the way she's needed me since birth anyway.  I know that's a good thing.  I realize that our ultimate goal as parents is to raise children who can survive out in the world on their own as productive citizens.  But to watch her drive away, to know that my job is almost done....gosh it's hard.

Fortunately she's a mama's girl and it makes things like this a little easier.  She's not digging in her heels and pushing me away, dying to move out and go far, far from home.  She loves her mama and is a big hugger.  She still looks for security and comes to snuggle on my bed pretty often.  She loves to lay on Larry's pillow and have long talks.  And I am so over the moon elated when she does.  Once in a while, I get to stroke her hair as she dozes off while we talk.  It wasn't that many nights ago when she curled up in her little pink sleeper on my chest, fingers curled around mine as we drifted off to sleep.  I stroked her little bald head back then.

As she's getting older and moving one step closer to adulthood all the time, she's becoming more of a friend and less of a child.  I look forward to the future.  I know she has an amazing life ahead of her.  She will ROCK college.  She will become a terrific teacher or writer or whatever she decides to pursue.  She will make some man very happy one day and she will be a fantastic mom.

But for tonight, I'm looking forward to getting my baby girl home.  To hug her, to hold her tight and know that, at least for a little while longer, she's still my little girl.

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