Do you trust me?

Are there lessons in life that God has to teach you over & over & over again? For Larry & I, that lesson has always revolved around money. Keep in mind that Larry & I have never had a lot of money. We've always longed for more but God's always given us "just enough". And you know what? Perhaps that is best. When we have more than "just enough" we quickly begin relying on ourselves and feeling like we've 'got it all together'. When we have "just enough" (or less!) we have to rely on GOD for all our needs.

Philippians 4:19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

If you've been reading this blog for long, you know that Larry & I left the church where we were serving last Spring. In doing so, we took a giant cut in pay. I realize that it doesn't seem logical to intentionally leave a job where the pay is great, but being a follower of Christ often doesn't make logical sense. We left because God led us to do so & asked us to trust Him for everything. When our leave was announced to the church, they took up a love offering for us, the church's way of saying thank you & goodbye. We were amazed by the dollar figure that showed up in our bank account. We were richly blessed. Knowing that we'd need that money after taking such a pay cut, we tucked it away in our savings account & held on tight for the ride of our life.

Psalm 25:2 O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

Every month, our combined income fell short of meeting our needs. Larry gets payed on the first of each month. I get payed along the way as well, but it's really his paycheck that we live off of. Mine is just a supplement to his. Each month, we payed the bills and then did our best to make what was left stretch out for the rest of the month, buying minimal groceries and attempting to avoid expenses where possible. We cut things... and then cut some more, but by the end of the month, we were out of money. Living a basically frugal lifestyle already meant that there wasn't a lot left to cut without living in a shoebox & eating ramen noodles 3 meals a day. Month by month, we chiseled away at the savings account, always having to transfer some of the money from our love offering into the main checking account to get by 'til the first rolled around again. The one 'big' expense we had to pay for was a deposit on Samuel's ear tubes surgery last April. Other than that, we didn't touch the savings account because we knew we needed it monthly. If it weren't for that offering given to us, we would've never survived the past year. Truly, God provided for all our needs before we even knew what they were, by the hands of people who loved us & wanted to wish us well as we walked out of their lives. I can only see beauty in that. It's amazing the way God uses the body of believers to hold each other up.

Romans 12:5 In the same way, even though we are many individuals, Christ makes us one body and individuals who are connected to each other.

Fast forward to late November. Watching the bank account balance drop toward the end of the month, we knew it was time to make the monthly savings withdrawal to fill in the end-of-the-month gaps. This time, however, was different. This would be our last withdrawal. There was no more in the savings account. Moving the last penny into the checking account was a little frightening. December was coming, and with it, Christmas. And as you know, Christmas falls at the end of the month -- the time that we were routinely out of money. We went to the bank & took out a small loan to cover Christmas. Thankfully our kids aren't used to a really elaborate Christmas. We've always made a point to keep Christmas focused on Jesus's birth, so they are used to just a few presents. But even with that loan to cover Christmas, our usual monthly expenses again outweighed the income that we had and as Dec. 31 rolled around, our account dropped into a negative balance. Let me just say this: PRAISE THE LORD FOR OVERDRAFT PRIVELEGE!! (Of course, that means having to pay a $28 charge per item that bounced, but it could've been much worse if we were having utilities cut off or vehicles being reposessed!!)

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope.

When January 1st rolled around, we knew that the promotion Larry recently got would mean getting a RAISE, but until that raise began showing up on his paycheck (Feb. 1st), we were still in the same position of not having enough to get by. It was nice to have a light at the end of the tunnel, but there were moments when we wondered if that light was actually a train coming at us. If we could just make it through January, we would be able to breathe a little easier and relax a little. After paying the bills & covering the overdraft charges from December, we had about $115 to live on for the rest of the month. That means a month's worth of groceries for a family of five....a month worth of gas for 2 vehicles....a month worth of everything that it takes to survive. A month on $115. Folks, I am a bargain hunter but I'm not that good. Larry's job requires nearly that much in gas on a weekly basis due to all the travelling he has to do. How would we possibly survive a full month on that? We have no credit cards & remember, no savings. With great humility, my precious husband went to my parents the first weekend in January & asked to borrow some money to get through the month. They lovingly obliged & loaned him the amount he asked for. But even with that loan, by Jan. 20th, we were back in that monthly position of being broke.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take.

With nearly 2 full weeks left in the month, we were stumped. We couldn't afford to buy groceries or put any gas in our nearly empty vehicles. The kids were suddenly coming home telling us they were out of glue or markers or some other random supply from school. A birthday party invitation was met with a groan because we knew there wasn't a single spare dime to spend on a party gift. (Thankfully we had a box of brownie mix which we mixed up & baked for a very happy little 10 year old boy who loved the idea of getting an entire pan of brownies all to himself!)

We started rolling coins. We started turning the furniture over & cleaning out the little nooks & crannies of the cars to find spare change. We were able to scrap together $38 that way. That bought enough milk & bread and a few staples to get through a few days & put a few dollars worth of gas in our 2 vehicles.

Luke 6:21 Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.

About the time that ran out, the family I babysit for every day after school was able to pay me. It wasn't a huge amount of money, but it was enough to get us through another few days. Each night, we'd check the fridge & pantry & freezer and try to piece together something halfway nutritious to feed the family the next day. If we needed 1 item to complete a meal, one of us would run to the store & get it, but that was the extent of our grocery buying. We simply couldn't afford to do more. Our meals may've not been of the highest nutritional value or gourmet variety, but they were enough to get by on for a short time.

Matthew 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Somewhere along the way, I was reminded by God of the many, many, many times He has gotten us through hard times before. We have never been THIS close to not knowing where our next meal would come from, though. And while the situation was a bit more grim, I knew that He would provide. {and the truth is, we have family nearby who would've fed us a meal or helped us if we'd asked...but ya know, there's that pride thing....especially when you've already borrowed money & hoped to survive on that!} Toward the last week of January, I told Larry that God was giving us one of those Abraham & Isaac times, where he'd have us get to the top of the mountain, knife in hand, raising it over our heads before this was all over. And that was exactly what happened.

The story of Abraham & Isaac can be read here.

During the last few days of January, we literally reached the final dollar in our piggy bank. We very literally got down to the last dime and had to trust Him to provide. And you know what?

He did.

Just like the thousand other times that He's had to teach us this lesson, we watched the fridge get emptier & emptier.....we watched the pantry's contents disappear.....and the little bit we had became like the widow's oil, stretching a little further every day. He provided for us and then provided some more. It doesn't make sense that we could make a loaf of bread stretch out for days when 5 people were eating 2 meals a day of sandwiches from it. And yet it did.

Larry got paid, with a raise, on February 1. The gas/mileage check we waited for most of the month of January was deposited today. We kind of feel like we're 'rolling in the dough' today after the month we've just survived. But the truth is, after paying the bills, some of this money is going into savings. And after the blessing we received today, some of it is going to be used to bless someone else. You see, the blessings didn't just stop when our month of little ended. This was on my porch when I got home from work today. No notes, no message on the answering machine. We don't know where it came from or who was led to bless us today, but we're grateful.


You see, over and over again, He provides. Before we ever knew that things would reach the point they did, God saw fit to lay it on the hearts of all those people last Spring to bless us financially. Do I think that I'm some especially holy & righteous person to receive these blessings? Absolutely NOT. None of this is about ME. If you retell this story to anyone else, please do not point to me. Sure, you can link them to this post if you want to, but my point is, this is all about HIM. To God be the glory for the things He has done.

And so...when God asks 'Do you trust me? Do you REALLY trust me?' what will your answer be? I know mine!