Bring the Rain

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You
with all that I've gone through.
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You?

I am a grown up now. It's official. I can't name a single family who hasn't lost a loved one to cancer. Some of those precious families have lost children to cancer. Have I mentioned before that I think cancer is a vile, nasty, evil beast? It's the epitome of a monster in my mind. I can't think of a single thing other than cancer that gives no regard to age, gender, race, or ethnicity. It will attack the tall, short, thick & thin. It gives no thought to socioeconomic status, intellect or wealth. Everyone who knows me knows that I am very mild-mannered and seek to see the good in everyone rather than the bad. But where cancer is concerned, I find myself seething in raw anger toward this thing...this atrocious monster that has no concern for me when it attacks those I love. It may one day attack me or my husband or my children and that brings me to my knees in anguish. God, protect us all.

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray....

I ache for the families who've lost children. Not just the ones that were lost to cancer, but all the others who were lost to miscarriage, abortion, SIDS, chromosomal abnormalities & other illnesses. And especially those lost to infertility--the ones hoped & dreamed for that have never come to be. I can't imagine my life without my children and the very thought of you taking one of them, Father, or never giving them to me to begin with... is more than I can stand to imagine. My heart breaks for all of those mommies whose womb is empty, whose arms are empty, whose cribs are empty. God forgive me for ever complaining about something my kids did. They are 3 of my greatest treasures and my life is fuller because they're in it.

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain!

A baby with a birth defect, bankruptcy, a sick newborn, marital stresses, job loss, financial stress, ill family members, gaining and losing my 'other 2 kids' .... Lord, I can't complain. Those are so minor in comparison to the pain & grief & suffering going on in so many other lives. Help me to see how fortunate I am every day. Help me to praise You for every detail that makes me whine. If it takes bringing me a little pain to remind me to focus on Your greatest gift, Jesus...to draw me nearer to You, then bring me the pain. Break me.

I am yours regardless of
the clouds that may loom above
because you are much greater than my pain
you who made a way for me
suffering your destiny
so tell me whats a little rain?

When I think of the anguish & grief of a mother being drug away from the bed of her child who has just died, she's kicking & screaming, begging You to bring life back to that little body, I am moved to tears. And you did that very thing. For me. You gave Him up. For me. So that I could stomp on His name & spit in His face. Lord, forgive me.

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

The earthquake in Haiti, the tsunami a couple years ago, the hurricanes in the USA, floods & famine & poverty. September 11, wars, terrorism, suicide bombing, kamakaze pilots....I am reminded of both Your great power and the immense suffering that occurs worldwide. Who am I to complain about piles of laundry? I have clothes to wear & healthy family members to wear them.

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

My life has been one big plan that has slowly been broken down by You. Reminders that looked like crisis at the time quickly became nudges from You that I was never in control at all....that this was always part of Your plan for me, it was never "plan B"....I was never in control..... I was never in control. You have to remind me of that a lot. I am not in control. And when I look back on those times of greatest pain, I see where Your hand was wrapped firmly around me, holding me tight to Your heart, suffering every moment of pain WITH ME so that I'd lean my head in a little closer & hear Your heartbeat through it all. God, I don't like pain. I don't like suffering, but those days bring me back to You every time. And if I have to accept the pain to be reminded to fully rely on You, then Jesus....bring the pain.

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain