Year of Dates: January 2014

Tonight was our first date night of 2014.  The month is almost over, but tonight was the first time we had a chance to work it in.  We actually planned to do this earlier in the month, but then we had car repairs to be made on the day we had planned the date, so we had to put it off.  You know...old married people reasons to skip a date night.  ha ha!  Seriously though, that's how life is.  If we don't make an intentional effort to have a date once a month, it will never happen.  We have good intentions and talk about it, but unless it's on the calendar, we will forget about all our good intentions.

Today we decided that after we both got home from our evening of commitments, we'd have our date.  That mean we were in the kitchen at 9:30 cooking grilled cheese sandwiches and busting out the legal pad, but we did it!  To me, focusing on making it happen is just as important and special as the date itself.  Seeing my husband take the time to stop everything else and spend devoted time with me is what it's all about, y'all.

So this month's date was Grilled Cheese & Goals.  I should tell you that my husband makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich.  We call them "Larry's Famous Grilled Cheese" around our house.  I don't ask him to cook often but when I do, it's either grilling something or making grilled cheese sandwiches.  Yum!

Tonight we sat down over plates of ooey-gooey warm cheese sandwiches and made some plans for the coming year.  We talked about spiritual, physical, financial, relationship and home goals.  We got some things on paper that we'd like to see happen this year.

It was brief, but the time spent was sweet.

College Decisions

Savannah is struggling with college decisions.  I guess most high school seniors go through this, but it's my first time to have a child dealing with this, so her stress is my stress.  I'm walking this path with her, trying to take it all in and learn as we go.

Before we go any further, let me say that I am ALMOST to the point where I can say "My child is nearly ready to move off to college." without hyperventilating.  It still freaks me out and makes me cry, but I have reached a healthy level of sanity in these discussions so I don't have to stop and take a moment to breathe into a brown paper sack these days.  {grin}

How it all began:
While she was still in 10th grade she started receiving letters and brochures and post cards from colleges all over the country.  I'm not really sure how that happened, but it did.  We just laughed and tossed the majority of them in the garbage.  After all, it was a TAD premature for us to start considering a college decision when she didn't even have her driver's license yet...and before she had taken the SAT!  Many of these college mailers were from places we had never even heard of!  None of us were ready to consider shipping her off to Rhode Island or Montana or Crazy Drunk Frat Boy Party School, USA when she was 15!

Then, later on.......
Her 11th grade year rolled around and we thought maybe it was time to start at least talking about it.  But over and over, she told us that she had no idea what she wanted to be, no idea what she'd major in and she just wasn't ready to start talking about it yet.  We didn't push the issue and reminded her that 99% of college freshmen don't have any idea what they're going to do and those who do still usually change majors halfway through college.  So in 11th grade, at age 16, that's totally fine!

And then the clock started ticking.
Boom!  Just like that, she's a senior.  I'm telling you, moms of young ones, it happens SO fast.  Just yesterday, she looked like this.

First day of 2nd grade & playing with her buddy Melissa during the same year.

And now...well, she does not look like the same kid.  She's beautiful and talented and so very smart.  Folks, I'm telling you, she's the kind of kid that every parent wants to have.  She makes me proud to be her mother every single day.

A picture the photographer, her beloved "Aunt" Tara, snapped with her phone during their senior pic photo shoot last week.  Seriously?  So beautiful...and I don't mean the lighting.  (Although that is nice, too!)

Last summer, we visited 2 schools.  Both are 4 year universities.  One was a local state school, 10 miles from home.  We were shuffled around in a herd of other people who had also come for a tour.  It felt like she'd be lost in a giant crowd of people there.  Everything was cold & sterile-feeling.  The tour felt weird and it just didn't "fit" her.  The other was a private Baptist school, about 1 1/2 hours away.  We were greeted with a sign that welcomed her by name.  The employees were warm and friendly and spent HOURS with just us---not us & a crowd of others.  The campus is small and we ALL fell in love.  I would have loved to go to school there myself.  Heck, even my 12 & 13 yr olds were saying they wanted to go there!  It was SUCH a great fit for Savannah.  Small town, solid faith-based school, required chapel time every week...all the things she was hoping for in a college.  She applied that day & we waited a few weeks before we got the official word that she was accepted!! 

Of course money was an issue. Any private university is INCREDIBLY expensive!  The school gave her an automatic scholarship for about 1/2 the tuition, but even that left us with a huge bill.  We advised her to get busy filling out scholarship applications because anything she doesn't get in scholarships or grants will have to be covered in student loans.  We just don't have the money to pay to send her to school.  It breaks my heart that we can't write a check and cover it, but we can't.  We had it settled in our heads (Savannah, too!) that she would go to the private school and one day would deal with student loan bills.

But then God threw us a monkey wrench.  Isn't He funny like that?

In November, out of the blue, she was offered a full ride scholarship to another local school.  This one is a junior college.  She had not applied there.  They came looking for her!  She was offered the scholarship based on her grades.  We encouraged her to take it --- after all, it's FREE SCHOOL.  She could always transfer to the Baptist school for her junior/senior years!  She is such a sensible, responsible girl that she couldn't help but recognize how much wiser it would be to accept the junior college scholarship.  She asked adults in her life what they thought.  Everyone gave her the same advice and she talked about it with us at length.  But honestly, every time she talked about it, you could hear the resignation and disappointment in her voice.  She and I literally laid in the kitchen floor talking about it for 2 hours on the day she received the scholarship package and letter.  It was so sad to hear her say that she had always thought of this school as her last choice and now she was going to go there.  She never complained or whined about it.  It was just as if she realized that this was her best choice but not her first choice.  Life is full of things like that:  situations that weren't our first choice but turn out being what we do.  We tried to help her see the bright side, reminding her that while this wasn't her first choice, it meant her potential student loan bill payments would be drastically reduced in the future and she wouldn't be paying on them into her 50s like most of us do!  There's just not much way to beat FREE.  Plus, she could stay at home and not have to pay rent anywhere.

For at least a month, she sort of shrunk and looked like she might cry every time the junior college came up.  Let me say again that she was not griping and complaining in the least.  You could just tell she was sad.  My kids have spent most of their lives being told no about things we couldn't afford to do.  Don't get me wrong.  They have never missed a meal or gone without something they need.  But there have been lots of camps or retreats or church events or new clothes that we've had to say no to.  I'm not talking about indulgences or extravagant things (although we've said no to those things, too.) I just mean things that would've been great experiences for them that we couldn't afford.  Larry and I are hard workers, but the money has always been tight so Savannah is accustomed to hearing "I'm sorry honey, but we don't have the money for that."  This felt like that...like she was having to give up something really special and important to her because we can't afford it.  And as her mama, that is hard.  However, I believe it grows my children to face that reality and find ways to make new plans, earn money to put toward a new goal, learn the value of responsibility and saving money.

 We finally told her to look into some other state/public schools if she wasn't totally convinced about attending the local junior college.  After all, maybe one of those schools could offer her a large scholarship as well!  And since state/public schools are MUCH, MUCH cheaper, a big scholarship there could mean free or nearly-free school, too!  We got online & started searching public schools that she might consider.  She's applied to quite a few of them, but they don't make acceptance decisions quickly like the private schools do, so now it's a waiting game.

She decided to chance it & applied to 1 more private school, just to see how they compared money-wise to the Baptist school.  Today she received an acceptance letter from them with scholarship information.  Again, she was offered a big scholarship based on grades, but even with that, it leaves her in the same position as she was in with the Baptist school.  Still super expensive...and when compared to getting 2 years of school for FREE, it just doesn't compare.

On Monday, we are visiting the local junior college to go on a tour and talk to the scholarship lady to get the details on what all her scholarship covers.  (Maybe she could still move into the dorm here since she is really hoping to get the full "college experience", but she readily tells me that it would be silly since it's 10 miles from home!)  I'm sure we will come home with a lot to think about and talk over.  Fortunately, we have a couple more months before she must make a definite choice about where she will attend school next Fall.

It blows me away that just yesterday I was reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and tonight we were pouring over pictures of dorm rooms and campus maps and the majors offered at another school.  I am stunned by how quickly we've moved from those first wobbly steps across the living room floor to caps and gowns and tassels and college applications and SAT scores.  Somebody really should slow down this ride!

Prayer Time

I'll be honest.

I love to pray for my friends & family...mostly because it keeps me from praying like this:

Dear God,
me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me.
AMEN.

But even though I enjoy praying for others, lately I've found myself distracted and struggling to stay focused when I pray because I have always got something else going on.  Right now, at 10:34pm, music is playing in the girls' room, the TV is going in the next room, the washing machine/dryer are running.  My boys (the big one & the little one) are talking about the TV show they're watching.  You get the idea. There's always something to distract me.

So in the past couple weeks, I found a new time to pray.  And it's working!  Instead of blaring my favorite Adele CD or the local Christian radio station, I spend my commute time every morning praying.  My husband and kids are first, then I pray for whoever else has needs that I know of.  If I end up with any time left (I often don't), THEN I will turn on music.  I have a long, winding country road to make my 20 minute commute to work and really look forward to my time spent talking to God in the mornings.

When is your most dedicated prayer time?

2013 -- Year in Review

Good golly 2013 has flown by!  I looked back at this past year on the blog tonight & wow...I didn't post a whole lot this year.  (oops!)  I'm going to try to do better in 2014.  I miss blogging!

Here's what I found as I strolled down memory lane.

1.  The computer died on January 4th.  Right smack-dab in the middle of my job hunt.  Yikes!  Click HERE to read about that.

2.  I was reminded that I am NOT a morning person.  And reading about it after the fact is pretty darn funny!  Click HERE to read that post.

3.  Our February date for our Year of Dates is HERE.  (Yes, I realize I skipped the January date.  I didn't really post much for it.)

4.  I did a little soul baring HERE.

5.  I wrote about fun with heart palpitations HERE.

6.  Our March date for our Year of Dates is HERE.  Seriously, I married a comedian.

7.  Our April date is HERE.

8.  Our May date is HERE.

9.  I was reminded of just how OCD I am HERE.

10.  I went on a local mission trip & talked about it HERE.

11.  I had a sappy mama night when I wrote THIS one.

12.  Our June date is HERE.

13.  THIS ONE was very hard to write.

14.  Our July date is HERE.

15.  Our August date is HERE.

16.  End of summer post HERE.

17.  For Larry's 40th birthday I wrote 40 reasons why I love him HERE.

18.  Our September date is HERE.

19.  Our October date is HERE.

20.  Our November date is HERE.

21.  A little something about Larry's toothbrush...and my heart HERE.

22.  Our December date is HERE.

23.  And finally...all about our Christmas HERE.

Hmm...maybe I posted more than I realized this year.  I hope my handful of readers has enjoyed living this year with me.  Looking forward to 2014!!

Silent Night, indeed.

The sun has set on another Christmas.  The season of merriment has come to a close.  Tomorrow we begin looking toward the end of the year, deciding when to take down the tree and put away the decorations.  And just like that (blink!) it's over.

Don't worry.  I don't have the holiday blues.  I am not feeling down about the end of Christmas at all.  It has been wonderful, really.  Getting older has proven to me how quickly the years fly by and how soon it will be time to watch Elf, eat yummy Christmas foods, listen to carols and decorate with greens and reds all over again.

Last year, Christmas was very, very hard for me.  I was eyeball-deep in a job search, praying to find something before time ran out.  I was spending my days at a desk, in an office where I was surrounded by people who felt foreign and unfriendly.  I knew my days there were numbered and the fear of what was ahead made me shake in my sensible shoes.  Christmas was not a time of cheer for me.  I may have outwardly put on a happy face, but all I could think on the inside was that Christmas meant I only had 1 week worth of a paycheck left.  It was a deadline in my head, like an ominous siren sounding.

This year, Christmas has been different for me.  In a very, very good way.

I think it all began with not having to take out a Christmas loan.  Even having a very intentionally minimal Christmas for many years now, we've almost always had to take out a small loan to afford to do anything at all. There just isn't anything to spare in the budget, so a loan is the only way we could buy a few gifts.  Knowing that we would not be paying off a loan in the coming year took a little weight off, I guess.  Even though I never really sat and thought about that until tonight, I know on some level it's been a relief.  We don't have a hugely different income this year, and it will probably take a year to really see the difference on a month to month basis---we're still sort of catching up from being constantly 'behind' for several years-- but with my working full time vs. part time now, it does change the checkbook a little bit.

Last month, our church handed out Advent wreath kits to every family along with a booklet to work through as the season progressed.  Instructions were given about which candle to light on each night of Advent & which Scriptures to read along with a short devotional reading that applied to each night.  I never have been great at decorating, so our wreath remained just a metal ring with places for the candles, but it worked just as well as those that looked prettier.  There were weeks when I had to go stand in between the television & everyone's eyes and say "It is time to light the Advent candle!", but I am so glad we did it.  There was discussion, prayer, Scripture reading, candlelit moments of reflection and peace.  The quiet and calm may've only lasted a few minutes, but it happened.  And I loved it.

Last night, on Christmas Eve, we attended the candlelight service at church.  It was perfect.  Not because of the Scriptures we read or the atmosphere or the fact that the kids got to hold candles & flirt with fire.  (Although all of that was grand, too!)  What moved me most were the voices of little children in the room.  A baby near the back babbled.  When the pastor mentioned Advent a little girl nearby declared "He said Advent!  We've been doing Advent at our house!"  When we sang, a little boy sitting in front of us belted out the songs at the top of his lungs.  Oh what a treasure those little ones are!  I was reminded that Jesus came to us as a baby...that we should approach Him like a child...that we should worship Him unashamed and without inhibition.

Seeing God's faithfulness has been so precious this year.  From the first couple of months without a paycheck, to the provision of a job that lasted until May, to the gift of a new job in August, to the grandparents who selflessly payed for Samuel's orthodontist bill the first 8 months of this year....and on & on.  And this month has been no exception.  I've seen His hand fall on my family over and over in 2013.    Knowing He is faithful to care for our needs is not just good, but so very amazing.  His birth was the first 'proof' we saw of His faithfulness--His provision for everything we would ever need.  And my personal relationship with Him now provides me 'proof' over and over that He is still in control, still holding me firmly in His grasp, still loving me.

This morning we got up early and went to the girls' room for our annual Birthday Party for Jesus.  (All three kids slept in there.)  We ate cake, read the Bible story, sang the Happy Birthday song, prayed, figured out that we could use the noise maker things to blow out the candles on the cake and laughed together.  Perfect!  When we moved into the living room to open gifts, the mood was different than usual.  The kids are a little older and they "get it" better than they have in the past.  Each year brings new wisdom and I adore watching them mature and grow.  Seeing the kinds of gifts they gave to each other, reading the words Samuel wrote in a special scrapbook he made for Larry, watching their JOY as they opened the simple gifts they were given....it was a wonderful time.  I am so blessed.

After a couple hours' break, we all loaded up & went to the theater to see Saving Mr. Banks.  It was such a great movie!  It is the story of Walt Disney wooing P.L. Travers, the author of Mary Poppins, to allow him to make a movie of her story.  I realize that sounds like a documentary but it is so much more.  It is a wonderful story that we will probably buy once it comes out on DVD.  We all enjoyed it.

Because of some free movie passes we received as gifts this year (thank you, sweet friends!) the kids and Larry returned to the theater tonight to see a 2nd movie.  The kids are seeing the 2nd Hunger Games movie.  He is seeing the Nelson Mandela documentary movie.  I chose to stay home and enjoy the peace.  I made a run into town to grab a burger for dinner, but aside from that, I've just rested.

As I drove home tonight, and even after arriving home, I found myself humming...or singing...or whistling...or talking to my mom on the phone...or reading Facebook.  I was singing "Silent Night" to myself when something struck me.  It may be a quiet night at home for me, but I don't think any of us are even capable of a silent night these days.  Our minds are constantly moving, going, thinking, racing.  We have phones and computers and TVs and people constantly bombarding us with words, noises, text alerts, music and more.

{Side note:  I believe we all need to take 1 night a year and steal away to a hotel or a cabin in the woods (or wherever!) and just sit in the quiet and listen to God speak.  Maybe He needs to talk to you about something.  Maybe He needs to whisper into your ear about ministry or your family or your relationships.  Or maybe you just need time to be quiet and worship and pray.  It sounds heavenly doesn't it?}

On the night He was born, I have to believe it was NOT a silent night.  Have you ever been in a labor & delivery room?  It is anything but silent.  Doctors, nurses, midwives, the laboring mother, the crying newborn...it is not a quiet place.  But there is such JOY in the noise & cacophony that accompanies a birth!

It hit me tonight that, while my life is anything but silent, there is great JOY in recognizing His presence in our home.

There is great PEACE in knowing He cares for my every need.

There is STRENGTH in feeling His embrace and hearing Him speak through the words of other believers, songs, teachers, friends.

There is GRACE, LOVE, and COMFORT in knowing Him personally.

And that JOY, PEACE, STRENGTH, GRACE, LOVE and COMFORT means I have HOPE in the one who came on that not-so-silent night so long ago.

"You are the light Bethlehem's son
Hope of the world the glorious one
The savior to all is with us tonight
You are the light.

Now the whole world will not be the same
Cause love has come down and grace has a name
The name of the child is Jesus Christ

You are the light." (from You Are the Light by David Hodges)

Year of Dates: December

Tonight we went on our last date night of the year.  I have had so much fun spending time with my sweetie this year on our date nights.  If you're coming in late to the party, this has been part of Larry's Christmas gift from last year.  All year long, we've had 1 date per month from a box of pre-planned dates that I gave him last year.  If you'd like to catch up on all of them & read how this all started, scroll to the bottom of this post & click on the "A Year of Dates" label.  It will take you to all of the posts on this subject from the past 12 months.

Tonight's date was a simple one.  In this season of craziness, I felt like planning anything really elaborate wouldn't be wise.  So we found a table at Starbucks & drank warm cups of yumminess, nibbled some tasty pastries and just relaxed and talked.  (And thanks to a friend's sweet gesture a couple months ago, I had a $10 gift card, so our December date cost $3!!  Thank you Heather!!)

I don't drink coffee or tea (yuck!) so I had a hot chocolate while Larry drank some sort of fancy coffee drink.

Let me tell ya folks, the cranberry scones from Starbucks are to die for!  Yummmmmmmmmm!!

Larry posed our cups side by side & asked me to take a picture of that rather than taking a picture of us tonight.  I thought this was pretty cute, so I went for it.

For those of you who have joined us on our Year of Dates adventures this year, thanks for reading.  Larry is getting the same gift for Christmas this year, so starting in January 2014, there will be a whole new Year of Dates series of posts.  See you then!

The toothbrush

Over the past couple of years, I've come into the bathroom at night to find Larry's toothbrush like this over and over.

After brushing his teeth, without shaking off the excess water (at all), he balances it like this in his toothbrush holder.  I know that he is thinking it will drip-dry through the night so that it'll be ready for him again in the morning.  But it really bugs me.  Probably a lot more than it should.  It drips all over the counter & if I happen to bump into it, I get wet.  And then in the mornings, I have to clean up the counter where it's dripped all night.  And so, at least a million times I have taken it from the balanced position in the cup, shook off the excess water and put it back into the cup (ahem) the right way.  Like this.

Not too long ago, Larry pointed out to me one morning that he noticed I was doing this.  It bothered him.  To him, it felt like I was subtly correcting him, treating him like a child.  I pointed out that I really wasn't trying to do that, I just felt like it should be shook off & stood up in the cup so that it wouldn't drip everywhere.

But maybe on about the 417th time I did it, it was because I was irritated with him and WAS ever so subtly correcting his actions.

After a brief discussion about how much it bothered me to have to clean up the drippy toothbrush mess every day....and how much he was determined to leave it precariously propped every night (probably to spite me at that point), we dropped it and moved on with life.  After all, who has time for silly fights about dumb stuff like this when there are MUCH bigger fish to fry?

Oh wait.  I do!  After all, I was right.

Right?

Even though he specifically asked me to leave his toothbrush alone at night, I continued to adjust it.  I would go into the bathroom to brush my teeth, pick up his toothbrush, shake off the drippy water, and put it back in the cup.  Or if I was feeling particularly snarky, I'd balance it the way he'd left it.  He would think it dripped off as he planned and I would know that I kept it from dripping all over the place & making a mess.  {Plus I got the satisfaction of feeling like I got my way no matter what.}

Tonight, as I saw his toothbrush in the holder, balanced & dripping everywhere, I grabbed my phone to take the pictures above.  I really intended to send them to my BFF to gripe about my husband's irritating toothbrush habit.  But as I took the 2nd picture, I remembered a talk at a MOPS meeting 10 years ago.  

The speaker, a woman who I've adored for years, a precious Godly lady who is such a hero to me, talked about her husband's annoying habit of leaving his shoes in the living room every night.  Much like my feelings about the drippy toothbrush, she grew irritated that he left his shoes there day after day, no matter how many times she asked him to pick them up and take them to his closet.  She tried subtle reminders.  She tried nagging.  Nothing changed his behavior.  She learned, though, that he really wasn't doing it to bug her.  He just forgot.  That bugged her even more because, she felt, that she had a million things to take care of every day with their 3 young children, and somehow SHE could remember to pick up his shoes every day.  So why couldn't he?

And then her perspective changed.  She was convicted one day that her husband worked hard for their family.  She thought about how he got up early every morning and tip toed around the house, trying not to wake the children too early.  He spent hours every day doing a difficult job to make ends meet and to provide a few little luxuries along the way.  She thought about how her husband had chosen to work where he did at least partly to provide her a way to stay home with their children in their early years.  She considered how he always remembered her birthday and their anniversary and sent flowers now and then.  She thought about how tired he was at the end of every day, but he still came home and helped with their kids and allowed her a night off now & then to do something with her girlfriends.  And suddenly, she realized that if all she needed to do was pick up his shoes every day & carry them to his closet for him, it was the least she could do.  After all, it was such a small thing.  It took her less than a minute to walk them from the living room to their bedroom.  They weren't heavy.  She was going into the bedroom a dozen times each evening anyway, so why not carry his shoes with her on the way?  You see, she realized that it really was less of an issue that she "had to" carry his shoes to the closet...and more like she "got to" help her husband by doing this one small act of kindness.

I remember listening to my friend talk that day, thinking of all the ways I could serve Larry graciously with small acts of kindness.  After all, he was working hard to provide for our family and deserved a little pampering in the evenings after work.  I took her message to heart that day and began looking for ways to help Larry out.

But I guess over the years with the kids growing and my returning to full time work and changing responsibilities and money and stress and well.....all the things that change over the years.....I suppose I forgot that lesson my friend spoke so eloquently about all those years ago.

So tonight, as I shook the water out of his toothbrush & stood it up with a bit more force than was probably required, I paused and remembered the lesson of walking shoes to the closet.

Is this drippy toothbrush thing really THAT big of a deal?  Does it take longer than 2 seconds to clean it up when it drips?  And so what if it drips?  Is it really so important to make my husband feel like I am treating him like a little kid?  If I do shake it off & return it to the cup, balanced on the edge, can I do it with a heart of service and as a way to help him out rather than with a snippy attitude and an eye roll?

Tonight, I choose to serve my sweetie.  I choose to love him and help him out without feeling obligated to tell him how I fixed it for him again.  I choose to quietly honor him and leave his toothbrush alone.  I choose to wait til morning & wipe up the drips without complaint.

Are there shoes you need to carry to the closet tonight?