Friday, November 24, 2006

I could never be a criminal! :)

On Wednesday, we were busy & forgot to put our trashcans out for pick-up.  That wasn't too big of a deal on Wednesday, but now that it's Friday night and our trashcans are all full, it is a bigger issue.  We fill roughly 1 trashbag per day so we've got a bit of a problem on our hands since trash day is still several days from now.  Knowing that we can't stack the bags on top of the trashcans (b/c the neighborhood cats would get into them), tonight we realized that we would have to "do something".
 
Coming from his criminal justice background, Larry handed me the bag tonight & said "Take it somewhere & get rid of it."  Now, I realize that I was just hearing things, but in my head, I heard something akin to "take the body & get rid of it".  I was on my way out to the store to get some milk when he handed me 'the bag'.  I reminded him that most businesses frown upon people putting trash into their dumpsters--and I felt sure it was illegal or something, but he told me that my 1 bag of trash wouldn't be a big deal & to just go do it.  Somehow, I just knew that the cops would be watching me 'make the drop' tonight, and so I set off on my covert criminal mission feeling paranoid & nervous.
 
I felt so sneaky tossing the bag of trash into the back of the van to make the trek to a dumpster under the cover of darkness.  I couldn't think of any business in town who wouldn't have lots of lights & cameras watching me, so I knew I'd have to find something dark & be quick about it.
 
My first stop was the local Baptist church less than a mile from the house.  From the road, I could see their dumpster sitting at the back of their parking lot, wide open.  Hooray!  That wasn't so hard!  So I pull into the driveway & approach the dumpster.  As I get closer I realize there is a big rig parked next to it w/ the engine running.  No doubt some scary driver was spending his night on the church parking lot.  I was far too paranoid to get out of the van alone in the dark & walk right up beside the big truck (after all, the driver would either A-jump out & grab me to kill me or B-call the cops & report some weird lady throwing her trash in the dumpster, right?) so I drive away in search of a new site for the scene of my crime.
 
My next stop is the library, but I realized after I got there that they don't have a dumpster!  Ugh.  The YMCA is right behind the library & it hit me that it was past closing time for them, so that ought to be perfect!  I made the short drive to the YMCA & spot the dumpster.  Ah-ha!  That's where I'll toss the trash, I think to myself.  Just as I pull up along side it, an employee pulls into the parking lot.  Unsure of whose headlights I'm seeing at first, I quickly turn around to leave (because after all, the trucker at the church may've called the cops on me, ya know?).
 
So I move on down the road, wracking my brain on where I can dump the trash.  There's a set of apartments in town with a big Christmas lights display!  I could go there & "pretend" to be looking at the lights & no one would ever know if I lived there or not.  (Ack...see how quickly the criminal mindset rubs off on me--I'm justifying my crime & coming up with alibi's already!!??)  I headed that direction & then realized that I'd be passing another church on the way!  When I reached the church, I pulled into their parking lot & spotted the scene of my drop.  All I had to do is make it past the church van (there's bound to be dumpster security guards hiding in there, after all!).  Those last 20 feet or so, I thought I had made it free & clear.  And then it happened..........the sign was there.
 
In bold letters, right there on the dumpster's front it says "For church use only".  Now if I use this one, I have to feel like a criminal & a sinner!  What to do...what to do...
 
And so, as I threw my bag of trash into the dumpster, I told Jesus I was sorry for my unlawful behavior.  I ran back to the van & drove away to get my milk at Brookshire's feeling so guilty.
 
When I told Larry all this when I got home, he kept laughing & holding his sides.  I guess he found it all funny.  LOL.........hope you did, too.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

enjoy your weekend:)

Deb

Anonymous said...

Oh Liz..I am just laughing.. Here we have places you can go and dump your trash and pay to do it.. We don't use the Pick up service..  What about your own church? Couldn't you have dumped it there...lol  I personally would have went and bought another trash can and kept it at my house...lol

Anonymous said...

I'll be praying for you Liz Reeves.  You sinner you!  *frowning face and shaking my finger at you*

ROFLOL!  I felt the same way when I had to dump some trash in another dumpster in MY SAME apartment complex in college.  The one designated as the one I was supposed to use was full. . .so I stashed the "goods" in my trunk and drove around to the other one.  For days I just knew that I was going to get a little note on my door from the apartment security guard, lol!

Oh you crack me up!  The funniest part was that #1 your first thought was to go to a Baptist church and your actual "place of sin" was another church and you apologized to Jesus.  Oh gosh girl, I love you to pieces!  ;)

Anonymous said...

Awww, Liz, the visual was great, I could see you driving all over town looking for that dark dumpster. Thanks for the laugh.
<vbg> :o)

Kathy

Anonymous said...

That is HILARIOUS!

~ Amanda