Super long post!

INTRO:  I'm sorry that my posts have been a little scarce lately.  I'll try to do better.  I want this journal to not be entirely focused on one child's issues or the negative things that go on around here, but for the past few weeks I haven't been able to get out of a funk.  I didn't want to share a bunch more sad, depressing, frustrating & negative stuff, so I just chose to not post at all in those times.  I realize I have posted some, but you have no idea what all I haven't shared in an effort to try to not traumatize those reading this.  It's becoming more & more obvious that we're dealing with some big psychological issues and the truth is, most people really don't want to hear the gorey details of how that plays out in real life.  I mean, we all know it's "out there" & that people deal with it, but we don't really want to hear about it.  Truthfully, before this all landed in my home, I might've felt the same way but I'm learning so much about how other families cope with these kinds of things and those family's stories are the most encouraging thing for me! 

I've come to realize that posting it all--- good & bad --- is very therapeutic for me.  Getting it all out, allowing others to drench us in prayers & support us emotionally is vital to my survival.  I feel like I'm living on the brink of a nervous breakdown some days & every time I make it through another (spiritual) attack on my home/children/family/spouse without completely losing it, I realize that those are the days I had the most prayer warriors kneeling before the throne of grace for me.  Hearing from other families who've "been there, done that"....hearing their testimonies & learning from them is good, but they'll never know what we're going through unless I talk about it.  So there ya go.  Some days you're going to read happy things here that make you laugh & cry tears of joy, but some days, it'll be bad stuff that breaks your heart, as it does mine.  There may be things here that you don't want to hear or see.  There might be details that freak you out a little bit or parenting moments you may not agree with me on.  But that's ok.  We're doing what works for us & so far, we're doing alright...I think.  I really need an outlet to get out both ends of the extreme, so if you're reading this, go ahead & write yourself a check for a million dollars.  Voila!  You're my therapist & listening ear.  I love ya!  Praise the Lord for those of you who WANT to hear/see all of this stuff---the good & the bad!

Now.....onto the post!

Item #1--- Over the course of the past month, we've been trying to switch Andrew's ADHD medicine.  The one he had been on for the past few years had quit working, so it was time to switch.  He was given one kind that did NOT work.  When we finally got him up to the dose that would be 'ideal' for him, things went haywire.  He couldn't sleep.  He'd wake up at 2 or 3am, thinking it was time to be up for the day.  He was wired in the middle of the night & couldn't get back to sleep without waking up at least 1-2 of the other kids & getting into some sort of mischief.  Yawn!  He barely ate....this from the child who is usually the human garbage disposal.  He was nauseated by bedtime.  Between the lack of sleep & food and feeling bad every night, he was a real JOY to be around (said with dripping sarcasm, just in case ya didn't notice ha ha).  The doctor felt like we should reduce the dose & more slowly work him back up to the same dose a 2nd time before giving up on it.  Oh my....it only took ONE day back at that dose to convince us that Adderall XR is NOT the right medicine for Andrew.  Poor kid.  He stayed in so much trouble during that entire 3 week period.  I'm glad that's over.

We're trying a 2nd new medicine now.  This one seems, so far, to be working out better.  We bump him up the dosage schedule every 3-4 days & so far, we're only on step 1 of the schedule.  There are 5 levels to it, so we have a ways to go before we know for sure if this is "it" or not.  Please pray that we don't have to sort through a million different medicines before we find the right one.  Please join us in praying that eventually God will totally cure Andrew of a need for ADHD medicine.  Until He does, finding the right medicine is crucial.

Item #2:  Sibling rivalry is making me nuts these days.  There's always been constant chaos since Feb 06, but it really seems to be hitting a HIGH these days.  The kids can literally all get out of bed at the same time & before they make it to the kitchen for breakfast, a fight has broken out---and that's saying a lot since it is only a matter of 3-5 steps from their bedroom doors to the kitchen!  I hate when there is yelling & screaming going on over cinnamon rolls & orange juice.  It seems like one particular kiddo is usually at the heart of most of the arguments (although I won't mention any names  ::cough:: Andrew ::cough::), instigating trouble or name calling or tripping someone as they walk past---just constant picking & nitpicking to bug everyone.  When he's called on it, he immediately goes into defensive mode, claiming he didn't do anything.  :::Sigh:::

The boys spend sooo much time fighting & arguing when it's time to clean their room that I tend to let it go for a while (my fault) before I really FORCE them to get it totally cleaned up because I dread having to deal with the level of meanness they dish out inside those walls.  I know that I have to stay on top of their room to keep it from getting so bad (& therefore making the cleaning up job take much less time & effort), but remind me again....where is that energy tree?   This week, I told them it was time to get the room cleaned.  I told all 5 kids on Monday night that they were all officially grounded (from EVERYTHING) until their rooms were clean.  I figured that would kick them into high gear to get it DONE.  Nope.  Today's Friday.  The boy's room is STILL not done.  I think I may rip my hair out tomorrow as I try to get them to finish the last little bit!  Anyone else up for a Britney Spears look with me?  I'm not sure how I'd look without any hair.

Last night, Larry fussed at the boys for the length of time it was taking them to clean up their one bedroom.  He put them to bed for me while I did other things.  Apparently after he left the room, Andrew said something to the effect of "I want to stab him in the head".  Samuel told us this morning & of course Andrew denied it.  Talk about feeling like you've been sucker punched.  Tonight, in the heat of hearing that the girls were going to be allowed to watch a movie in their bedroom because they got their room cleaned up, Andrew began screaming a barrage of ugly remarks at Samuel (because the majority of what is left to be tidied in their room is Samuel's).  When he yelled "You're stupid, stupid, stupid!" at the top of his lungs,  I asked him how he'd feel if someone called him 'stupid' & he said "I'd start slapping them in their face over & over."   I reminded him that we don't call each other names & definately not mean ones...and because he had chosen to do so, he would have to be grounded for all of spring break.  He immediately burst into tears & said "I can't believe I'm grounded again.  I hate Adam & Eve for eating that apple!!!!!  Why did they have to do that???"

(snicker....I had to grin at this comment!  Maybe we're making a deeper dent than we thought!!!!  Thank you, Lord!!)

Since he did seem to realize that he'd screwed up (after making the comment about sin & the apple eating), I asked him if he was sorry.  He said yes & after apologizing to Samuel, I told him that if Samuel could forgive him, I would too (therefore forgiving the punishment I'd just suggested).  Isn't that what God does with us?  We screw up, the punishment that we rightfully deserve is *right there*, but redemption was bought at a price for us & if we are willing to admit our shortcomings, God is willing to forgive & by His great mercy, we escape the punishment we're rightfully due.  Samuel forgave him so I lifted the grounding.  Immediately after being forgiven, he asked if I could come snuggle with him on his bed.  ::::warm fuzzies::::  I agreed & we snuggled for a while.  He asked me a bunch of questions about God again---what the cat of nine tails is like, how it feels, how Jesus could stand to be tied up & beaten with that thing, whether or not the Garden of Eden is still there.  I don't mind him staying up past bedtime talking to me about things like that!  Now if we can just help him realize that the way he looses his temper so violently and runs off at the mouth is a SIN & help him figure out a way to catch it before he flies completely off the handle, we'll be doing ok.

Item #3:  This Monday, Samuel had a graph project at school to turn in.  He surveyed all of us about our favorite candy.  To decorate the poster he turned in, we bought one of each kind of the candies & glued the wrappers to the poster.  We ended up with a lot of extra Hershey's kisses with Almonds & a couple of other things that come in big packages.  I got everything put into ziploc bags & hidden in the freezer, but somehow I missed the Kisses.  They were on the counter (should've known better) Wednesday morning.  When I came through the kitchen, there was a full bag---only 4 had been taken out to put on the poster.  This is one of those big 1 lb. bags, so there were easily another 50 or so in the bag.  On Wednesday afternoon, when the kids were cleaning their rooms, I caught Andrew eating something (in his room).  We have a no food in the bedrooms rule here, so I fussed at him for eating in his room & punished him for the obvious lie he was telling.  When I came back through the kitchen after that conversation with him, I realized that the entire bag, except for 3 or 4, was gone!  I knew where they HAD TO have gone, but he wouldn't admit to anything and I didn't have ironclad proof that one of the other kids took them.  After I made him open his mouth, smelled the chocolate on his breath & literally pulled a chunk of almond out of his mouth, he still claimed to know nothing about the missing Kisses.  It is so frustrating to have him look me square in the eye & lie through his teeth.  The next morning, I went on a treasure hunt in his room & found about 15 or 20 wrappers from the Kisses he'd eaten (& two hardside glasses cases that look brand new that were stashed under his mattress).  I never did find his stash, but I know they were there.  They were cleaning the room when I found him eating & he had emptied his trashcan a couple of times during that timeframe, so he may've snarfed down the majority of them & threw away the wrappers before I realized what was going on.  It's amazing he didn't go to bed with a major bellyache that night, especially since the kids had birthday cake at church that night!!

Something I've learned about kids who deal with Attachment issues (see earlier posts about RAD) is that they really feel like they are in a fight to survive, and that includes food issues.  It is very common to find them hoarding food in huge amounts.  I've read about children who saved a portion of their dinner meal every night & hid it in their bedroom thinking that they must do this for survival because their parent/caregiver might not feed them the next meal.  This is absolutely the case with Andrew.  Earlier this week I saw him getting the "crusts" from the cinnamon rolls we ate for breakfast out of the trashcan & head to his bedroom (don't worry, I stopped him).  And even though it was junk food, I guess he felt like he had to inhale 40 Hershey Kisses, too, to make it til supper (which was only a matter of 45 minutes away).

Item #....shoot, I can't remember what number I'm on:  Tonight, Kourtney lost a baby tooth.  She swallowed it accidentally & totally freaked out.  :)  She drew a picture & hung it on her door with a picture of her crying & it says "Im sor I lots my toth."  It's for the tooth fairy.  (Translation: I'm sorry I lost my tooth.")

Next item:  Now & then I thumb through the little real estate books around here to see what's available...just for grins.  I know that we'd eventually like to get something bigger, but we're really not in the market for anything right now & don't exactly have stacks of cash laying around anyway.  This past weekend, I picked up a real estate guide & found this house with 5 bedrooms, a dining room (HUGE selling point for me!!), 2.5 baths, an office, 4 car carport, all on an acre out in the country.  I was astounded at the price ($125K) because, for this area, that's on the very low end of the market for that size house.  I drove by to peek at it, again..just out of curiosity, but then my interest was peeked & I wanted to see inside!  We have a realtor friend in our church group so she took us today.  It's a dump.  It's a single wide trailer that someone has added onto in literally every direction.  It's pretty comical, actually, how many different directions they added a room (or two or three).  Hmm....yeah, that isn't the place for us.  It's not exactly in good condition, either.  Oh well.  BUT............looking at that one house sort of gave me the bug.  I love real estate & I love looking around inside houses.  Maybe one day I should consider becoming a realtor.  Anyway, the realtor friend of ours pulled up some other listings & emailed them to me this afternoon.  I really like this one:  REALTOR.com: Find a Home - Listing Detail  It's still a little steep for us price-wise, but if we sold our current house for the right price, we could probably do this.  I'd LOVE to have a dining room where my entire family could sit down TOGETHER for a meal.  It is a big deal to me to be able to do that and in our current house, we don't have room for everyone to eat a meal together & that bothers me.  This house has a 2 car garage (on the back of the house--you can't see it in the pic on the listing) and that's something we've always wanted.  The biggest thing is that there is another bedroom.  We're certainly content to stay smooshed up in our current house & we know that plenty of bigger families have survived & thrived in smaller houses, so we're not jumping on the first thing that comes up, but for fun......our realtor friend is taking us to see this house on Monday afternoon.  :)

Item....well, the next & last thing:  It's SPRING BREAK!!!!!  Everyone is excited about having the coming week out of school.  I enjoy having the kids home all day each day because we can go on "field trips" & do fun things together.  But before we do something fun together, the kids are all going to my mom-in-law's house for a few days.  I'm giddy about this......I need some respite care for a few days otherwise I'll be reaching for the bottle of Xanax by the end of the week--or some kind of bottle anyway!  LOL!  The kids will go to Mammy's house on Sun afternoon & will stay til I get off work on Tuesday afternoon and go to pick them up.  I'm excited about enjoying the peace and quiet for a couple of days & spending my evenings with my sweetie!

Ok........there's a 25K character limit to these posts, so I am probably getting REALLY close to that now.  I'll hush & let you go to bed as it's getting late.  Thank you again for reading this & keeping up with us.  HUGS to you all for surviving this really long post!