random ramblings

Over the course of the past month, I've been going through lots of new changes.  A new job being the primary one.  But also, going from being a full time stay at home mom to being a working mom.  Even if I don't work 60 hours a week, I am working 5 days/week now & that is totally new to me.  The last time I worked 5 days (or more) per week was July of 1996 while I was still pregnant with Savannah.  Of course, in the interim, I've worked 24/7/365....but I am talking about paying work outside of my house!  ha ha...you moms know exactly what I mean!  Seriously, though, this has been an adjustment for me.  Doing the whole routine of going to bed earlier has, I'm sure, been good for me since I tend to be a night owl.  I'm getting more sleep these days, but I'm losing all that late night "me time" that I like!  It's ok, though.  I am loving my job.  I have a great group of kiddos at school and I am working in a great environment.  The teachers in the rooms on either side of me are super!  One is a friend from High School (Hi Jennifer!) who it's been really fun to reconnect with.  The other one is a friend of hers from church who I've had a lot of fun "clicking" with.  We see things eye to eye.  Good thing since we share a bathroom (for our kids) all day long & have to see each other frequently!  My bosses are great and the school is exceptional for preschool & kindergarten.  I really am blessed.  (if only I could be a little richer on payday!  ha ha)

Samuel's dyslexia testing came back fine.  He's not dyslexic after all, even if he does have a thousand "symptoms".  The lady who did the test commented on the fact that he has TINY hands for his age.  Of course, they're not proportionately weird sized for his TINY body or anything, he is a little bitty guy.  I just thought it was funny that she commented on that.  He has HORRIBLE handwriting, so I figure it's just a matter of fine motor muscle control at this point since he does apparently have the freakshow hands thing going on.  (ha ha...just teasing)  Anyway, we're having a meeting next week to talk about the testing they did & to see what else we can all do (together, teamwork between us & the teacher) to help him out.  The poor kid can't spell worth a dang & alwayssss takes 2-3 hours to do 30 minutes worth ofhomework.  Something's gotta give because I've got 2 other kids who are usually tapping their feet waiting for me to work on their homework with them.  Hopefully we can figure something out.  Til then, we'll muddle through.  I love his teacher.  She has been such a sweetie.  And across the hall from his class is the wife of a friend.  She has really taken to Samuel, too.  Of course, he charmed his way into her heart the week that school started.  :)

This weekend, I've been thinking about Andrew & Kourtney a lot.  I sure miss them.  I love those guys to death & it struck me this weekend that on Oct. 16th, they will have been gone for 7 months.  It's hard to believe that it's already been that long.  They were here for 13 months, so they've been there for just about 1/2 the length of time they were here.  As far as I know they're doing just fine.  Their new 'parents' fill us in on big things, but I am sure we don't hear all the details.  I think they're functioning better there b/c there aren't other siblings to 'compete' with.  It's a hard reality to know that my home wasn't 'good enough' for them.  I mean, it was a great home as far as stability goes of course, but it wasn't what they needed.  It's hard to come to that conclusion & recognize that about your home when it's working just fine for you.  I was reading the journal of Thunder's mom (see previous post about his death for that link) and hearing her go through all the same emotions I felt in those first days after the kids left brought me to tears.  Like I've said before, I realize "my" kids didn't die, but the grief process has been the same.  The loss is just as great.  I found myself reading her words, nodding my head & understanding everything she's going through.  It was good for me to read it though & see how far I've come as far as the grief thing goes.  It feels like just yesterday I was grieving the way she is now and I realize that I am in a place now where I can talk about them & talk about their new lives in their new home without totally losing it.  Moving on without them seems wrong for this mom's heart ...but at the same time, when there are other kids involved, you have to move on for their sake.  You can't sit in your pitty puddle forever.  Life has to move forward & move on.  But oncein a while, let me sit in my puddle, ok?  Don't shove me out of it or try to talk me into stepping out of it.  I need my puddle now & then.  :)

Last night, Larry & I did something we haven't done in 10 years.  We went out to eat with JUST another couple---no kids.  And it wasn't a family get together.  They called yesterday morning & wanted to take us out, so we jumped on the chance.  Our kids went to their house & played while we went to eat.  Yahoo!  It was nice to have a grown up discussion with other big people.  :)  Thanks guys!!!  I'm so glad y'all thought of it & invited us!  We had a good time!

Hmm....what else?  I guess that's all my rambling thoughts for now.  It's late.  Larry is on call for the church this week & left here about 10:30 to go check on someone.  It's nearly 11:40 now, so I think I'm going to give up on waiting up for him & head to bed soon.  :::yawn:::  I'm getting sleepy.  Nightie night!