Whew....glad that's done!

In general, I don't stress over things. I am typically perfectly content with letting go & allowing God to do His business & handle all the scary things in life. Larry jokes that worrying & freaking out is his job because I tend to pat his shoulder & say "everything will be OK" more often than he does that for me. (He typically growls & says something like "Go away, holy one!" when I do that. ha ha)

In the past several days, I have not felt that way. You see, when the possibility of this job came up, I jumped on it without thinking! I was excited about the idea of a bigger paycheck...and a year-round paycheck! But the longer time went on, I began doubting that it was a good idea for me to consider this job. Things came up that had me really concerned and worried that I was NOT the right person for this job. But I had already committed to the interview and I felt like it was important for me to go through with it & at least give it a shot.

BUT, in the past week, I've spent more time with massive stomach acid churning, feeling nauseous, dealing with an upset tummy....basically feeling really BIG conflict brewing in my heart & mind. And it bothered me to be so freaked out & worried. I don't "do" conflict. Larry even hugged me & prayed over me this morning & commented about how I was making myself sick over this job business. I think I was even worrying him a little because I was so stressed out.

By the time this morning came around, I was concerned that I might convince them to want to hire me. I did NOT want to intentionally sabotage my interview, but I did feel like it was important to lay my concerns out & just be honest & up front. I prayed & prayed that God would give me VERY CLEAR direction about what to do & I had soooo many others praying for me. And ya know what? When I went in, the VERY FIRST question I was asked was about the BIG THING that was worrying me, so I was able to say up front what my concerns were. Once I got that out of my mouth, I felt a little calmer. The teacher involved in his job really didn't lay my concerns to rest, but I felt good that I was able to express how I felt about it. They explained another issue that I would not be comfortable with later in the interview and around that point I started thinking "ok, this really isn't the spot for me." I completed the interview and left with a smile but by the time I got to the parking lot I felt the urge to RUN AWAY as fast as I could. I was still very worried & concerned about a few things, but I tried to stuff that down while I made the phone calls I had promised people to tell them how it went.

Throughout the day at work, I prayed and kept asking God to show me what to do. I felt the weight of the world on my heart as those issues kept popping up in my mind over & over. By the end of the day, I realized that I'd asked God to show me what direction to take, to give me clarity of mind & peace about what I should do if I were offered this job and I was getting it. The Holy Spirit was beating me over the head repeatedly and I just couldn't get to a point of peace about this job. I had no idea if I would be offered the job or not, but I finally came to a point of realizing I needed to just say 'no thanks' & walk away. THAT was the direction God kept pointing me. Perhaps I should've cancelled the interview before it ever happened...did I waste their time since I went in not feeling right about the whole thing? I don't know. But I do know that once I came home & typed up an email explaining why I didn't think it was the right spot for me, I was overcome with peace for the first time in days! I was finally able to RELAX and I even dozed off on the couch. When I woke up it hit me that I hadn't done that since before this whole job fiasco began! I've been too tense to rest!

Anyway, the stress & panic & worry over job #1 is done. It's over & finished and now I can move on.

I have another interview next Friday for another job, one I would ADORE. But ya know what? If it doesn't work out, I'm perfectly fine! I have a great job now and I'll have no problem with going back there for the Fall!