job stuff

The past few days have been tiring for me.  Not physically so much, but emotionally & psychologically.  I've gone back & forth, back & forth on the job situation.

Ya see, on one hand, if I stay with the day care where I work now, that would be a very easy & comfortable decision.  I know the people there.  I've spent 2 years building my curriculum and hate to toss that aside or give it away.  (after all, *I* made it, so *I* want to use it!)  I could pretty well take my pick of classrooms because there are a lot of openings this fall.  They pay into Social Security & the schools don't.  I already have a relationship with many of the kids and their families.  The teachers there are exceptional & inspiring.  I enjoy every minute of my job.  There is just a lot of 'family' & 'comfort' there.  It would be the easier choice because it's familiar (& have I mentioned I'm not a big fan of change?).  But..... I'd lose my summers with the kids because I'd work year-round.  I just can't imagine giving that up.  I don't want the kids to remember summers of day care (which they really abhor anyway!).  I want them to remember going to camp, day camp, hanging out with their brother & sister, going to the park together, making crafts with me, hanging out on rainy days & watching movies together.  All those things are soooo important to me.  I know that if we *had* to do it, we would, but I do have another choice.  Plus, there is uncertainty about the future of the center.  If I stayed, would I still have a place to work a year from now?  Do I trust God to handle that & figure it out when that time comes or seek something else?

If I were to be hired working at the school, I'd always have the same holidays/summers/hours as the kids.  I'd be gone only during their school days, so they really wouldn't miss me (pretty much the same as now).  I wouldn't be able to do as much with their individual classes, but I'd be at the same campus with at least one of them and could probably still take off to go to some of the class parties.  But...they don't pay into SS (of course, who knows if it'll survive til my retirement years anyway...but knowing that it's there in case something happened to me for my kids' sake is comforting).  Plus...as I stated above, I'm not a big fan of change.  Doing something new & different is always hard.  The positions I'm applying for are all things I'd really LOVE to do, so I know I could do those jobs well.  I am flexible & pretty easy-going so I can get along with just about anyone.

So you see......there are pros & cons either way.  I really do believe I could be happy in either environment, but there will be some sacrifices & changes in our lives either way we go.  I know we'll figure it out along the way, but my heart is torn.  I know this is all probably silly to all of you reading this.  I mean, after all, it's just a job.  But for me, it's really much more than that.  It's a matter of going from one season of my life (having small children, being a stay at home mom....) to a new season (no longer being home during the week, becoming a working mom...).  I should be a no-brainer I guess, but it's a transition for me that will take some time.

I've layed my fleece before God now and will wait and see what He does.  This morning I turned in my application for all the positions I'm looking at.  It's in His hands now.  If this (working for the school) is what I'm supposed to do, He will work it out.  If not, He'll work that out, too.  Now the waiting begins.....

I'll keep ya updated.