Know where I can find a mute hair stylist?

For weeks now, I've been sitting in the driveway of the kids' school where the sunlight is just right at 3pm and picking. No, not picking my nose....picking at my hair. I'll admit it. I'm a picker. If I see a piece of lint on your shirt, I'm likely to pick it off. If I have a zit, I'm going to pick at it. If I see a hair on your head that's out of place & looking all wonky, I'm too OCD to let it just lay there. I will walk over & fix it for you. (& I'm the friend who will tell you that you have food in your teeth or a booger clinging to the side of your nostril! See...it works out for all of us!) But I've been picking at my hair because I've had split ends something awful. I learned to mess with split ends from my big sis. When we were kids, she'd sit on the couch in the sunlight & find split ends & split them. I'm sure at some point I asked what she was doing & she showed me, so I joined in. She has always had super long hair, so it wasn't hard for me to sit beside her & split her split ends for her. And now, I do it to my own hair if I have any dead, dry, yucky ends.

Like most moms, I don't have time for a regular haircut. Honestly, that's why I've never tried any other colors on my hair. While I think it would be great fun to be a redhead, I'd never do it because I know I won't keep it up like I should & before long I'd be a redhead only from the ears down. Yeah, that wouldn't look good. So once every 4-6 months (yes, I really said MONTHS), I find my way to the salon for a cut. Yes, I realize that it's best to cut/trim your hair about every 6 weeks, but really......that'll never happen. Well, maybe when my kids are all out of the house and/or I'm retired.

Now, I realize that many women go to a fancy salon where they are pampered & treated like queens for a couple hours while they have an all-out therapy session with their stylist. They get their hair washed & dried, cut & styled and then have a cup of coffee afterward while they hang out with their (nearly) best friend the stylist. All of this to the tune of $75-150.

I don't do that.

I go to whatever cheap, quick place I can find & sit down for a 10-15 minute cut & then I leave. Period. I've gone to SuperCuts & ProCuts and these days, I'm going to Great Clips. It's 5 minutes from my house. Once I get in the chair, I'm in & out in less than 1/2 an hour. Oh and the best part? I pay less than $20 even if I give a generous tip.

The unfortunate side effect to visiting shops like this is well....the people cutting my hair. Somehow, without fail, I always get the country bumpkin who wants to share a bunch of inappropriate and weird stories with me while she laughs it up & slaps my shoulder like she's told me the most hysterical thing ever.

Today's visit was with a lady whose hair would put Crystal Gayle to shame. She told me the story of her morning as she got ready for work. She went to take a shower & when she came out she walked into her bedroom (naked) and found that her 13 year old son had crawled into her bed while she was in the shower. Of course, they were both shocked & surprised. The boy quickly threw the covers over his head & she retreated to the bathroom. yikes! But really...I don't know this lady at all. WHY did she tell me this?

Of course, I think the BEST chatty hairstylist story is the one I experienced a year or so back at a different place. This lady was yakking away about all her relatives & the most recent family reunion when I cut in to get her to hush. I commented that her perfume smelled nice & asked her what it was. She replied that it was Vanilla Musk, but then quickly added "It only SMELLS like vanilla...it doesn't TASTE like vanilla." OH MY GOSH. Seriously, did she add that because she was concerned that I'd lick her arm to find out? yuck!

So I tell ya what. Sometime around August when I start talking about getting another haircut, remind me to look for this sign in the salon window.