"Held"

I am such a sap.  Right after Lisa and then Kelly died last February I bought a CD for one particular song.  (Isn't that how it always goes?  Who buys a CD b/c they love every song on it?)  Anyway, this one song was on the radio one night when I went to the store & due to hearing it that one time, I knew I had to have the CD.  I've grown to love Natalie Grant & all the other songs on this CD, but this one still gets me every time I listen to it.

I bought it the night that Lisa died.  (For those who don't know, Lisa was one of my best friends & she died suddenly of complications from 2 rounds of Leukemia...on the day before Kelly died.)  I was so torn apart emotionally that this was my 'anthem'...the song that kept me connected to God for a little while.  I never walked away from Him, but this song kept reminding me that I was being "held" despite my not understand Lisa's death.

The next day, Kelly died.  Andrew & Kourtney lost their mother (and, in effect, their father..all in one day).  Kelly & I were not best friends, but we were family.  She was my sister in law and we loved each other.

I may never really understand why God chose to take Lisa & Kelly to Heaven so early in their lives.  I may never really grasp why 5 children had to lose their mothers in that 24 hours period.  I may never understand God's reasons for a lot of things....but I know that for the past year, I've been HELD.

I recently finished reading "90 Minutes in Heaven" and I couldn't help but smile & laugh as I read the author's description of his visit in Heaven.  I wasn't laughing at the story, but laughing in joy because I know that my two friends are in Heaven...and they experienced the things he saw.  I can't help but be anxious for the day when I walk through the gates of Heaven & run into the arms of My Jesus.  Until then, He's holding me....and He's holding Lisa & Kelly.

At "Women of Faith" this year, Natalie Grant was the featured singer.  When she sang this song, I sat in the crowd, crying my eyes out.  Probably no one around me understood why, but I don't care.  Later the same day, Nicole Johnson did her "Stepping into the Ring" skit and I bawled again.  Talk about a day of healing & cleansing!

Here are the lyrics to the song that has held me together frequently this year:

Held by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley --- and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

 

Two "sacred"s were torn from my life, but I've survived.  God is holding me.  Thank you, Jesus.