SUMMER DAY 9, Sun June 7

Seasons of life....something I've been pondering the last 24 hours. I love looking back over time & recognizing different seasons I've lived and really grasping a new understanding for what God had up His sleeve. While I will never fully "get" everything God does, I can rest securely in knowing He's ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS got a plan and no matter how many times I stomp my feet & ask Him to play according to *my* schedule & plans, He will always do things according to His plan....and I am grateful for that.

Yesterday was a hard day for Larry. He has good days & bad ones since he left his pastoral job in early April. Just like any other loss in life (a death, a relationship that ends, a marriage ending...), loss of a job can sometimes spur feelings of grief. And when your job is not only a "job" but a ministry as well, it's like losing part of your identity. While he will always be "Pastor Larry" to so many precious people at our old church, in a lot of ways, when you lose the title, you lose a bit of what was defining you and in that way, Larry's struggled & grieved. We went to a birthday party yesterday for the son of one of the pastors at our old church, one of Larry's ex coworkers & brothers in ministry. We love them dearly and enjoyed our time with them, but Larry left feeling a little sad. Being that close to someone not only physically & emotionally but spiritually for several years, it's like visiting with the spouse you recently divorced....it brings up a lot of feelings that you may've not even known were there. Afterward, we saw the movie & then ran to Walmart for a couple things and ran into several people who were members of our old church. It was GREAT to see them and they were so kind & loving to talk to. But still, it was hard.

I likened his feelings about the day yesterday to the way I've grieved about A&K's time here and then their departure. I know how he feels. He ministered and poured his whole being into the ministry at Rose Heights. He was invested in so many relationships. He reached so many families, so many people....he had such a huge scope of influence. And when God led us to walk away, we are absolutely confident that it was the right time & the right thing to do, but it was still hard and the emotions involved run deep. And just like I look back at the time we had with A&K and can smile & remember a lot of fantastic moments along the way, it doesn't take much to make me cry & miss them & wish things had turned out differently.

Seasons of life....God brings us to different things in life that we need to experience to see Him more clearly, to taste Him more fully, to feel Him more deeply. We can't understand Him. And you know, that's OK. If we could, He wouldn't be much of a God. I mean, if my finite little brain can wrap itself around HIS plans, He's not real BIG after all is He? Seasons come & go. Pain comes with change. Anguish & grief & mourning can cut so deeply that we don't feel like there is a way to come up for air....but in time, we realize how many things He was orchestrating.

I've been looking back on our years at Rose Heights & all the things that were accomplished because of that season. We were able to buy this house. We were able to consider adoption again (we always had talked about it...) and to bring Andrew & Kourtney into our home at a time in their lives when they needed us most. Larry was able to have back surgery & recover gradually rather than being required to be back at work very soon afterward. We were able to get the van we have now & add a bathroom onto the house. And aside from all the "stuff" we were able to get & do, Larry was able to reach the very specific people who God intended him to reach. We were able to grow in our relationships with Christ in ways we had not fully understood before. We were able to take our children & show them a life lived solely to reach others. We were able to lead them to minister to people in secret without seeking approval or reward. We were able to encounter people we would've never otherwise met, to grow relationships that would've never otherwise have been forged. We are able to continue those friendships in a new way now! Larry was able to seek the fruition of a vision to reach the people who fall through the cracks in church...the ones who don't fit the mold so to speak. We've been ministered to by the people of the church in ways that words can't express. The list is endless and more things keep coming to mind.

The reality is that God showed us to a place of ministry at Rose Heights and that season brought so many amazing things with it. As we embark on a new season of our lives, I know that He will bring new & fresh blessings as well.

Psalms 139 says that no matter where we go, He is already there. If we lay down or stand up, if we go down into a valley or climb a mountain or swim to the far side of the ocean, God is already there. It's refreshing to know that this new season will be as awesome & blessed as the last.