Thursday, July 21, 2011

Thursday July 21, 2011

I'm not a worrier.

I'm really, really not.

It's not like me to lose my positive view on things. It's not like me to feel desperate or freaked out about anything.

But somehow it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. And as usual, the source of concern is our bank account. That seems to be the only thing that every really throws me for a loop...if I'm going to be thrown for a loop, anyway.

I figured out a long time ago that I can trust God. No matter what. No matter how difficult a time I'm having. No matter what's going on in life. No matter how many digits follow the negative sign in the bank account. I can trust Him. He takes care of me. Over & over & over. He is faithful. So when crazy things happen (illness, finances, problems with the kids, broken down car, whatever...) I don't sweat it. Usually, I step back & look at the situation, then step back into it & start LOOKING FOR God's hand. Sometimes it takes a while to pick up on what He's doing, but He's ALWAYS there. It bugs Larry to death that I don't stress out about things & am always quoting Scriptures to him and reminding him to be very intentional about seeking God and looking for ways to glorify Him. (Don't get me wrong. I'm married to an amazing man of God, but he will tell you himself that he has chicken-little faith sometimes....always fearful that the sky is falling.)

But for whatever reason, yesterday our financial woes got the best of me. I've mentioned here before how our combined paychecks cover the bills. But then there is nothing at all leftover. Where we run into trouble is Larry's gas. He travels nearly every day at work. It's not at all uncommon for him to put $50 of gas into his truck two or three times a week. Sometimes it's every day! He gets reimbursed for all the gas he has to buy eventually. But he has to rack up a huge bill before he can turn in a reimbursement request. (That's the rule. There is a dollar amount he has to cross before he's allowed to turn in a request.) While he's racking up the gas bill, our bank account balance is dropping. Lower & lower & lower. Into the negative numbers. Every month. It's so frustrating because it's an endless cycle of digging a (negative balance) hole. By the time one of us gets paid or he gets a mileage check, we're really just filling in the hole and trying to get back up to $0.

But God.....
always provides.
always feeds us.
always covers every bill.
always shows up.
always sends help if we reach that point.
always amazes me.

Today when I posted to facebook that I needed some recipes for cheap meals that you could throw together from things I have in the pantry already, I got a ton of suggestions. I was so grateful for all my friends offering ideas. Unfortunately most of them included ingredients that we don't have. Ingredients that I don't have the money to go buy. When the account is already into negative numbers, even buying a can of soup seems irresponsible since it means tacking on an overdraft fee on top of the purchase price. You know, a .50 can of soup doesn't seem like a big deal unless you're paying $28.50 for it!! So I thanked all my friends, took some of their ideas, printed out some recipes and then went to the pantry to dig & try to create some menu ideas for next week.

Then a friend emailed. I haven't seen this friend in 17 years aside from accidentally running into her once about a year ago. We talked for about 5 minutes before we parted ways. She had some recipe ideas, but ultimately she said she had recently been blessed herself & wanted to share some of her abundance. I wanted to say "no, you don't have to do that" but I knew this was God's being given by someone I would've never thought to offer from someone who's "been there, done that". I thought maybe she'd share a loaf of bread and some PB&J, but that wasn't the case. When she arrived with bags & bags of groceries, I was blown away. Seriously, I almost couldn't fit it all into my pantry! My grocery bill for this coming week just dropped from $100 to pretty much $0. And there will be plenty to roll over into next week, too! I'm astounded by God's goodness. And so very grateful to my friend.

I don't know how many more times God is going to have to teach me this lesson --- that I am NOT IN CONTROL --- before I have quit having these breakthrough worry sessions now and then. He's had to beat me over the head with this lesson so many times that you'd think that I would have it down by now.

I am not asking for any hand outs, but if you think of it, please put us on your prayer list. Our checkbook, and my nerves, would appreciate it.


Rachel said...

Wow what a blessing!

Laura said...

Oh boy do I know how you feel. I KNOW without a doubt He will provide and it will be in His time and it will be just what I need. But I still worry-as evidenced by what I went through while we were selling our house. I think this will be one of my struggles throughout my life. Sometimes it will be finances, sometimes health issues, and I imagine,as we enter the teenage years, it will be my boys. But I at least go into all of those situations knowing He is in control, even if I forget for a little while and try to grab the wheel. Thanks for your honesty. Btw, have you ever read Be Still My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow? If not, message me your address and I will send you a copy. It is probably my all time favorite Christian book and it has a wonderful bible study attached.

I have no doubt that those meals will be even sweeter tasting this week because they arrived with God's fingerprints all over them.

The Lowry Place said...

You and your family are certainly on our prayer request. We love you guys and know the God's hand is upon you every step of the way.

Jean said...

What a blessing you are starting to be! I don't really know you but my boys love you when you help out at my church. Thank you for being so open and honest and you are not alone in your struggles. My husband and I have literally been selling our possessions one by one for the last three months to cover for his lost income (he has been out of a job since the beginning of April) to pay the bills. We sold the last thing we could sell Monday and Tuesday he got a wonderful job offer. God always provides for his children.